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THE 



^®m^M mw "Emwrmi 



AN 

AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 

BY 

THOMAS SCOTT, 

rORNlXG PREACHER AT THE LOCK CHAPEI, lOWDON. 



FROM THE LAST LONDON EDITION. 



> Ut si quis Asellum 



In campos doceat parentem currore frenis. — Hor. 
Vain man would be wise, though man be born a 
wild Ass's colt — Job c. xi. v. 12. 
Who teacheth like him? — Job c. xxxvi* v. 22. 



PHILADELPHIA : 

Btfl^TED AND PUBLISHED BT G. 31. & W. SNIDEB, BOOKSELLERS 
AND STATIONERS, NO. 4, NORTH FIFyH STBEJiT, 



1827. 



7>v 2t) '11 



•^ 



THE 

PREFACE. 



If a book do not apologize for itself^ it is 
in vain for the author to attempt it by a 
preface ; I shall^ therefore^ only declare 
the nature and intent of this publication. 

Indeed it contains little more than the 
history of my heart, that forge of iniquity ; 
and my conscience, that friendly, but too 
often neglected monitor. By men in gene- 
ral, this latter is hated, because, as far as 
informed, it boldly tells the truth: and 
their grand endeavour seems to be, to lay it 
asleep, or to render it as insensible as if 
seared with an hot iron. Through the de- 
ceitfulness of the human heart, the allure- 
ments of the world, and the artifices of 



IV PREFACE, 

Satan^ this^ at lengthy is commonly accom- 
plished: and in the mean time^ they deafen 
themselves to its remonstrances^ by living 
in a continual noise and bustle. The con- 
flict in my soul between these two is here 
related ; and some account given of the ar- 
tifices which Satan, in confederacy with 
my heart, made use of, to keep my con- 
science quiet, and silence its remonstrances; 
and also of the means ^vhich the Lord em- 
ployed to defeat this conspiracy, to give 
conscience its due ascendancy, and to incline 
my before unwilling heart to become obedi- 
ent to its friendly admonitions; with the 
effect thereof upon my religious view^s and 
conduct. 

As to the effect of this publication re- 
specting my character and worldly interest; 
myself, and all that is dear to me, I would 
leave in his hands, who causeth all to work 
together for good to them that love him. 
whom he hath called according to his pur- 
pose. And he hath so evinced his care 



PREFACE. ^ 

over me, and goodness to me, in all the 
concerns of my past life, that it were shame- 
ful, if I did not most willingly cast all my 
care upon him for the future. But, reader, 
the effect of it respecting thee, I have much 
at heart; and have had, and shall I trust 
continue to have it much in my prayers. 

If thou art a believing servant of God, I 
hope thou wilt see cause to bless God in me, 
and wilt be estftblished and comforted 
thereby; according to the fervent desire of 
my soul, for all that love the Lord Jesus 
Christ in sincerity. If thou art one, whose 
experience answers in many things to what 
is related in the former part of this narra- 
tive, as face answers to face in the water^ 
may the Lord, the Spirit who convinceth 
of sin, alarm thy drowsy conscience, and 
bring thee under a serious concern for thy 
precious soul, and its eternal interests: may 
he incline thine heart diligently to use the 
means here spoken of, as far as conscience 

evidences it to be thy duty; and may he 

a2 



Vi PHEFACB. 

tless the means for enlightening thy ihihd 
with the knowledge of the truth as it is in 
Jesus; and guiding thy wandering feet into 
the ways of peace. This^ be assured^ is 
my hearty prayer for thee; and with this 
prayer I commend this work unto the Lord, 
that if it be his blessed will, he may employ 
it as an instrument for advancing his glory, 
and the salvation of souls. 

THOMAS SCOTT. 

Weston^ Underwood^ Feb. 26, 1779. 



THE 

PREFACE 

TO THE 

SECOND EDITION. 

About ten years have elapsed since the 
first publication of the ensuing narrative : 
In that space I have had much opportuni- 
ty of re-examining the Scriptures, and of 
making observations both in the world and 
in the professing church ; as well as of get- 
ting a further measure of self-knowledge. 
But I bless God^ that upon a revisal of The 
Force of Truths in order to a second edi- 
tion, I see no cause to retract a single sen- 
tence^ or to propose any matter differently 
than before. If any one should bestow the 



Vill PREFACE. 

pains to compare this with the former edi- 
tion^ he will indeed find several verbal 
alterations, in which brevity^ perspicuity^ 
and precision alone have been consulted : 
but he will not meet with a single variation^ 
which in any measure changes the meaning 
of the passage. Had I materially altered 
my sentiments^ I would either have refused 
to concur in publishing a second edition^ or 
have fairly avowed that alteration : but^ on 
the contrary, I deem it incumbent upon me 
to declare, that I am more than ever estab- 
lished in the belief of all those doctrines 
that I before proposed, as the leading truths 
of Christianity. 

THOMAS SCOTT. 

London^ Chapel- Street y March 31, 1789. 



THE 

FORCE OF TRUTH. 



wvw^>vwvwvw 



PART 1. 



Giving on Account of the State of the Author^ Mind, and 
Conscience, previous to, and at the commencement of 
that Chang-e, whereof he purposes to give the History. 

Notwithstanding that I was not educated 
in what is commonly considered as ignorance 
of God and religion; yet until the sixteenth 
year of my age, I do not remember that I ever 
was under any serious conviction of my being 
a sinner, in danger of wrath, or in need of 
mercy ; nor did I ever, during this part of my 
life, that I recollect, offer one hearty prayer to 
God in secret. Being alienated from God 
through the ignorance that was in me, I lived 
without him in the world ; and as utterly neg- 
lected to pay him any voluntary service, as if 
I had been an Atheist in principle, 



10 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

But about my sixteenth year I began to see 
that I was a sinner : a leper in every part, 
^^ there being no health in me;'^ out of many 
external indications of inward depravity, con- 
science discovered, and reproached me with 
one; and I was, for the first time, disquieted 
with apprehensions of the wrath of an oflended 
God. My attendance at the Lord's table be- 
ing expected about the same time, (though I 
w^as very ignorant of the meaning and end of 
that sacred ordinance,) this circumstance, unit- 
ed with the accusations of my conscience, 
brought an awe upon my spirits, and inter- 
rupted my before undisturbed course of sin. 

Being, however, an utter stranger to the 
depravity and helplessness of fallen nature, I 
had no doubt but I could amend my life when- 
ever I pleased. Previous, therefore, to com- 
municating, I set about an unwilling reforma- 
tion; and procuring a form of prayer, I at- 
tempted to pay my secret addresses to the 
Majesty of Heaven. In this manner having 
silenced my concience, I partook of the ordi- 
nance, held my resolutions, and continued my 
devotions, such as they were, for a little space: 
but they were a weariness and a task to me; 
and temptations soon returning, I relapsed, 
my prayer-book was thrown aside, and no 
more thought of, till my concience was again 
alarmed by the next warning given for the 
celebration of the Lord's supper. Then the 
same ground was gone over again, and wuth 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 11 

the same issue. My goodness was like the 
morning dew, that passeth away; and loving 
sin, and disrelishing religious duties as much 
as ever, 1 returned, as the sow that is washed, 
to her wallowing in the mire. 

With little variation this was my course of 
life for nine years : but in that time I had such 
experience of my own v/eakness, and the supe- 
rior force of temptation, that I secretly con- 
cluded reformation in my case to be impracti- 
cable. " Can the Ethiopian change his skin, 
or the Leopard his spots ?" I was experi- 
mentally convinced that I was equally una- 
ble, with the feeble barrier of resolutions and 
endeavours, to stem the torrent of my impetu- 
ous inclinations, when swelled by welcome, 
suitable, and powerful temptations : and be- 
ing ignorant that God had reserved this to 
himself as his own work, and h#l engaged 
to do it for the poor sinner, who, feeling his 
own insufficiency, is heartily desirous to have 
it done by him ; I stifled my convictions as 
well as I could, and put off my repentance to 
a more convenient season. 

But being of a reflecting turn, and much 
alone, my mind was almost constantly employ- 
ed. Aware of the uncertainty of life, I was 
disquieted with continual apprehensions, that 
this more convenient season would never ar- 
rive ; especially as, through an unconfirmed 
state of health, I had many warnings, and 
near prospects of death, and eternity. For a 



12 THE FORCE OF TRTJTH; 

long time 1 entertained no doubt, but that 
impenitent sinners would be miserable for 
ever in Hell ; and at some seasons such ama- 
zing reflections upon this awful subject, for- 
ced themselves into my mind, that I was over- 
powered with them, and my fears became 
intolerable. At such times my extempore 
cries for mercy were so wrestling and per- 
severing, that I was scarcely able to give 
over ; though, at other times, I lived without 
prayer of any sort ; yet, in my darkest hours, 
though my conscience was awakened to dis- 
cover more and more sinfulness in my whole 
behaviour, there remained a hope that I 
should one day repent, and turn unto God. If 
this hope was from myself, it was a horrid 
presumption ; but the event makes me wil- 
ling to acknowledge a persuasion that it was 
from the liord ; for had it not been for this 
hope, I should probably have given way to 
temptations, w^hich frequently assaulted me, 
of putting an end to my own life, in proud dis- 
content with my lot in this world, and mad 
despair about another. 

A hymn of Dr. Watts' in his admirable lit- 
tle book for children, entitled, " The All-see- 
ing God,'' at this time fell in my way ; I was 
much affected with it, and having committed 
it to memory, was frequently repeating it, and 
was thereby continually reminded of my guilt 
and danger. Parents may from this inconsi- 
derable circumstance be reminded, that it ^s 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 13 

of great importance to store their childrens' 
minds with such useful matter, instead of suf- 
fering them to be furnished with such corrupt- 
ing trash, as is commonly taught them. They 
know not what use God may make of these 

early rudiments of instruction in future life. 

At this period, though I was the slave of sin, 
yet, as my conscience was not pacified, nor 
my principles greatly corrupted, there seemed 
some hope concerning me ; but at length Satan 
took a very effectual method of silencing my 
convictions, that I might sleep securely in my 
sins: and justly was I given over to a strong 
delusion to believe a lie, when I held the truth 
that I did not know in unrighteousness. A 
Socinian comment on the Scriptures came in 
my way, and 1 greedily drank the poison be- 
cause it quieted my fears, and flattered my 
abominable pride. The whole system coinci- 
ded exactly with my inclinations, and the state 
of my mind, and approved itself to me. In 
reading this exposition, sin seemed to lose its 
native ugliness, and appear a very small and 
tolerable evil; man's imperfect obedience seem- 
ed to^ shine with an almost divine excellency; 
and (lod appeared so entirely and necessarily 
merciful, that ha could not make any of his 
creatures miserable, without contradicting his 
natural propensity. These things influenced 
my mind so powerfully, that I concluded that 
notwithstanding a few little blemishes, I was, 
upon the whole, a very worthy creature. — 
B 



14 THE FORCE OP TRUTH: 

Then further, the mysteries of the Gospel be- 
ing explained away, or brought down to the 
level of man^s comprehension by such proud 
and corrupt, though specious reasonings ; by 
acceding to these sentiments, I was in my own 
opinion, in point of understanding and discern- 
ment, exalted to a superiority above the gene- 
ral run of mankind; and amused myself with 
looking down with contempt upon such as 
were weak enough to believe the orthodox 
doctrines. Thus I generally soothed my con- 
science: and if at any time 1 was uneasy at the 
apprehension that I did not thoroughly de- 
serve, and was not entirely lit for Heaven; 
the same book afforded me a soft pillow, on 
which to lull myself to sleep: it argued, and I 
thought it proved, that there were nor eternal 
torments; and insinuated, that there w^ere no 
torments except for notorious sinners; and that 
such, as should fall just short of Heaven, would 
sink into their original nothing. With this 
welcome scheme I silenced all my fears, and 
told my accusing conscience, that if I fell 
short of Heaven, I should be annihilated, and 
never be sensible of my loss. 

By experience I am well acquainted with 
Satan^s intention, in employing so many of 
his servants to invent those^ pestilent errors, 
whether in speculation or practice, that have 
in all ages corrupted, and enervated the pure 
and powerful doctrine of the Gospel ; for they 
Vead to forgetfalness of God, and security in 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVEr 15 

sin, and are deadly poison to every soul that 
imbibes them, unless a miracle of grace pre- 
vent. Such, on one hand, are all the super- 
stitious doctrines of popery, purgatory, penan- 
ces, absolutions, indulgences, merits of good 
works, and the acceptableness of will worship, 
and uncommanded observances ; what are these 
but engines of the Devil, to keep men quiet in 
their sins ? Man, resolved to follow the dic- 
tates of his depraved inclination, and not to 
bound his pursuits and enjoyments within the 
limits of God's holy law, catches at any thing 
to soften the horrible thought of eternal mise- 
ry. This is the awakening reflection, God's 
sword in the conscience, which 'tis Satan's 
business, by all his diabolical artifice, to endea- 
vour to sheath, blunt, or turn aside; knowing, 
that whilst the alarming apprehension is pre- 
sent to the soul, he can never maintain his 
possession of it in peace. By such inventions 
therefore as these, he takes care to furnish the 
sinner witn that which he seeks for, and to 
enable him to walk according to the course of 
this wicked world, and the desires of depraved 
nature, without being disturbed by such dreadr 
ful thoughts. The same, on the other hand, 
is the tendency of all those speculations of 
reasoning men, which set God's attributes at 
variance with each other ; which represent the 
Supreme Governor so weakly merciful,as nei- 
ther to regard the demands of his justice, the 
glory of his holiness, the veracity of his word^ 



16 THE FORCE OP TRUTH : 

nor the peaceable order and subordination ot 
the universe ; which explain away all the mys- 
teries of the Gospel ; and represent sin, that 
fruitful root of evil, that enemy of God, that 
favourite of Satan, as a very little thing, scarce, 
noticed by the Almighty; and which, contrary 
to Scripture, and universal experience and ob- 
servation, would persuade us that man is not a 
depraved creature. 

These latter sentiments I acceded to, and 
maintained, as long as I could; and I did it, 
most assuredly, because they soothed my con- 
science, freed me from the pressing fears of 
damnation, and enabled me to think favoura- 
bly of myself. For these reasons alone I 
loved, and chose this ground, I fixed myself 
upon it, and there I fortified myself with all the 
arguments, and reasonings I could meet with. 
These things I wished to believe; and I had 
my wish, for at length I did most confidently 
believe them. Being taken captive in this 
snare by Satan, I should here have perished, 
with a lie in my right hand, had not thpt Lord, 
whom I dishonoured, snatched me as a brand 
from the burning. 

In this state of mind I attempted to obtain 
admission into holy orders. Wrapt up iii the 
proud notion of the dignity of human nature, 
I had lost sight of the evil of sin, and thought 
Jittle of my own sinfulness; I was filled with a 
self-important opinion of my own worth, and 
the depth of my understanding; I had adopted 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 17 

a system of religion, accommodated to that 
foolish pride, having almost wholly discarded 
mysteries from my creed, and regarding with 
sovereign contempt those who believed them. 
As far as I understood those controversies, I 
was nearly a Socinian, and a Pelagian, and 
wholly an Arminian; yet, to my shame be it 
spoken, I sought to obtain admission into the 
ministry, in a church whose doctrines are dia- 
metrically opposed to all the three; without 
once concerning myself about those barriers, 
which the wisdom of our fore-fathers have 
placed about her, purposely to prevent the 
intrusion of such dangerous heretics as I 
then was. 

Whilst I was preparing for this solemn 
office, I lived, as before, in known sin, and in 
utter neglect of prayer: my whole preparation 
consisting of nothing else but an attention to 
those studies which were more immediately 
required, for my reputably passing through the 
previous examination. 

And thus, after some difficulty, with a heart 
iuil of pride, and all manner of wickedness, 
my life being polluted with many unrepented, 
nnforsaken sins, without one cry for mercy, 
one prayer for direction, or assistance in, or a 
Messing upon what I was about to do; after 
having concealed my real sentiments under the 
mnfrk of general expressions; after having sub- 
scribed articles directly contrary to my then 
V':»of; and after having blasphemously declar- 
B2 



18 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

ed in the presence of God and of the congrega- 
tion, in the most solemn manner, sealing it 
with the Lord's supper, that I judged myself 
to be inwardly moved by the Holy Ghost to 
take this office upon me, (not knowing or be- 
lieving that there was a Holy Ghost,) on 
September the 20th, 1772, I was ordained a 
Deacon. For ever blessed be the God of all 
long suffering and mercy, who had patience 
with such a rebel and blasphemer, such an ir- 
reverent trifler with his Majesty, and such a 
presumptuous intruder into his sacred minis- 
try! I never think of this daring wickedness, 
without being filled with amazement that I am 
out of hell; without adoring that gracious God, 
who permitteth such an atrocious sinner to 
live, yea, to serve him, and with acceptance, I 
trust, to call him Father, and as his minister 
to speak in his name. " Praise the Lord, 
my soul, and all that is within me, bless his 
holy name; Praise the Lord, my soul, and 
forget not all his benefits; who forgiveth all 
my sins, and healeth all thy infirmities; who 
saveth thy life from destruction, and crowneth 
me with mercy and loving kindness.'' May 
I love much, and very humbly and devotedly 
serve that God who has multiplied his mer- 
cies, in abundantly pardoning my complicated 
provocations! 

My views in entering into the ministry, a^ 
far as I can ascertain them, were these three. — 
1. A desire of a less laborious, and more com- 



AIS AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 19 

ibrtable way of procuring a livelihood, than 
otherwise I had a prospect of. — 2. The expec- 
tation of more leisure to employ in reading, 
of which I was inordinately fond. — And 3. A 
proud conceit of my abilities, and a vain-glori- 
ous imagination, that I should some time dis- 
tinguish and advance myself in the literary 
world. These were my ruling motives in 
taking tliis bold step: motives as opposite to 
those which should have influence therein, as 
pride is opposite to humility; ambition to con- 
tentedness in a low estate, and a willingness 
to be the least of all, and the servant of all: as 
opposite as love of self, of the world, of filthy 
lucre, and slothful ease, is opposite to the love 
of God, and of souls, and of the laborious work 
of the ministry. Mine, therefore, be the 
shame of this heinous sin ; and to God be all 
the glory of over-ruling it for good, I trust 
both to unworthy me, and to his dear people, 
the church, which he hath purchased with his 
own blood. 

My subsequent conduct was suitable to these 
motives. No sooner was I fixed in a curacy, 
tiian with close application I sat down to the 
study of tbe learned languages, and such other 
matters as 1 considered most needful, in order 
to lay the foundation of my future advance- 
ment. And would I were now as diligent in 
serving God; as I was then in serving self, and 
ambition ! I spared no pains; I shunned, as 



20 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

much as I well could, all acquaintance and di- 
versions ; and I retrenched upon my usual 
hours of sleep, that I might keep more closely 
to this business. As a minister, I attended 
just enough to the public duties of my station, 
to support a decent character, which I deemed 
subservient to my main design: and from the 
same principle I aimed at morality in my out- 
ward deportment, and affected seriousness in 
my conversation. As to the rest, I still lived 
in the practice of what I knew to be sinful, 
and in the entire neglect of all secret religion r 
if ever inclined to pray, conscious guilt stop- 
ped my mouth, and I seldom went further than 
'' God Ije merciful unto me.^^ However, per- 
ceiving that my Socinian principles were very 
disreputable; and being conscious, from my 
own experience, that they were unfavourable 
to morality, I concealed them, in a great mea- 
sure, both for my credit's sake, and from a de- 
sire I entertained, subservient to my main 
design^ of successfully inculcating the practice 
of the moral duties upon those to wliom I 
preached. My studies, indeed, lay very little 
in divinity, but this little all, opposed that part 
of my scheme which respected the punishment 
of the wicked in tlie other world; and there- 
fore, (being now removed at a distance from 
those authors whence I had imbibed my senti- 
ments; and from whose reasonings I had learn- 
ed to dejeud them,) I began gradually to be 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 21 

bhaken in my former confidence, and once 
more to be under some apprehensions of eter- 
nal misery. Being also statedly employed, 
and with the appearance of solemnity in the 
public worship of God, whilst I neglected and 
provoked him in secret ; my conscience cla- 
morously reproached me with base hypocrisy, 
and I began to conclude, that if eternal tor- 
ments were reserved for any sinners, I cer- 
tainly should be one of the number. And now 
3 2;ain I was filled with anxious fears and ter- 
rifying alarms; especially as I was continually 
meditating upon w^hat might be the awful con- 
sequence, should I be called hence by sudden 
death. Even my close application to study 
could not sooth my conscience, nor quiet my 
fears: under the affected air of cheerfulness, I 
was truly miserable. 

This was my state of mind when the change 
I am about to relate, began to take place. 
How it commenced, in what manner, and by 
what steps it proceeded, and how it was com- 
pleted, will be the subject of the second part 
of this work. This first part I shall conclude 
by observing, that though I was staggered in 
my favourite sentiment before mentioned, and 
in my views of the person of Christ, was verg- 
ing towards Arianism; yet in my other opi- 
nions I was more confirmed than ever. What 
those opinions were, I have already in brief 
^leclared ; and they will occur again, and be 



22 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

more fully explained, as I proceed to relate the 
manner in which I was constrained to re- 
nounce them, one after another, and to accede 
to those that were directly contrary thereto. 
Let it suffice to say, that I was brimful of 
proud self-sufficiency, very positive, and very 
obstinate: and being situated in the neighbour- 
liood of some of those whom the world calls 
Methodists,^ I joined in the prevailing senti- 
ment, held them in sovereign contempt, spoke 
of them in derision, declaimed against them 
from the pulpit, as persons full of bigotry, en- 

* Methodists, as a stigma of reproach, was first applied to 
Mr. Wesley, Mr. Whitfield, and their followers ; to those, 
who, tlioug'h professing an attachment to our established 
church, and disclaiming the name of Dissenters, were not 
confonnists in point of parochial order, but had separate 
seasons, places, and assemblies for worship. The term 
has since been extended by many to all persons, whether 
clergy or laity, who preach or profess the doctiines of the 
reformation, as expressed in the articles and liturgy of our 
church. For this fault they must all submit to bear the 
reproachful name alike, especially the ministers; nor will 
the most regular and peaceable com])liance with the in- 
junctions of the rubric, exempt them from it, if they avow 
the authorized, but now exploded doctrines to which 
they have subscribed. My acquaintance hitherto has been 
only with Methodists of this latter description : and 1 have 
them only in view, whenever I use the term. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 23 

thusiasm, and spiritual pride ; laid heavy things 
to their charge, and endeavoured to prove the 
doctrines which I supposed them to hold, (for 
I had never read their books,) to be disho- 
nourable to God, and destructive to morality. 
And though in some companies I chose to con- 
ceal some part of my sentiments, and in all 
affected to speak as a friend to universal tole- 
ration ; yet scarce any person could be more 
proudly and violently prejudiced against both 
their persons and principles. 



.24 THE FORCE OF TKCTH : 



PART II. 

Containing an History of this Change; the marner an 
which, and the nieans by, wliich it was at k-ngth. 
effected. 

In January, 1774, two of my parishioners, 
a man and his wife, lay at the point of death, 
I had heard of it, but according to my general 
custom, not being sent for, I took no nouce of 
it: but one evening, the woman being ah^eady 
dead, and the man dying, I heard that my 

neighbour Mr. , had been several times 

to visit them. Immediately my conscience 
reproached me with being shamefully negli- 
gent, in sitting at home within a few doors of 
dying persons, my general hear-ers, and never 
going to visit them. Directly it occurred to 
me, that whatever contempt I might have for 

Mr. 's doctrines, I must acknowledge his 

practice to be more consistent with the minis- 
terial character, than mine. He must have 
more zeal and love for souls than I had, or he 
would not have walked so far to visit and sup- 
ply my lack of care to those who, as far as I 
w^as concerned, might have been left to perish 
in their sins. 

This reflection affected me so much, that 
earnestly, yea, with tears and without delay. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 25 

I besought the Lord to forgive my past ne- 
glect; and resolved thenceforth to be more at- 
tentive to this duty: which resolution, though 
at first formed in ignorant dependence on my 
own strength, I have by divine grace been 
enabled hitherto to keep. Immediately I went 
to visit the survivor ; and the affecting sight of 
one person already dead, and another expiring 
in the same chamber, served more deeply to 
impress my serious convictions : and from that 
time I have constantly visited the sick of my 
parishes, as far as I had opportunity; and have 
endeavoured, to the best of my knowledge, 
to perform that essential part of a parish mi- 
nister's duty. 

Some time after this, a friend recommend- 
ed to my perusal the conclusion of Bishop 
Burnet's History of His Own Times, espe- 
cially that part which respects the clergy. It 
had the intended effect: I was considerably 
instructed, and impressed thereby ; I was con- 
vinced, that my entrance into the ministry had 
been the result of very wrong motives, was 
preceded with a very unsuitable preparation, and 
accompanied with a very improper conduct: 
some uneasiness was also excited in my mind, 
concerningmy neglect of the importantdutiesof 
that high calling. And though I was too much 
the slave of sin, devoted to other studies, and 
in love with this present world, to relinquish 
my flattering pursuit of reputation and prefer- 
ment, and change the course of my life, stu« 
C 



26 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

dies, and employments: yet I experienced, by 
intervals, desires and purposes at some future 
period, of devoting myself wholly to the work 
of the ministry, in the manner to which he 
exhorts the clergy. 

All these things increased the clamorous re- 
monstrances of my conscience; and at this time 
I lived without any secret religion, because 
w^ithout some reformation in my conduct as a 
man, and a minister, I did not dare to pray. 
My convictions would no longer be silenced, 
or appeased; and they became so intolerably 
troublesome, that I resolved to make one more 
effort towards amendment. In good earnest, 
and not totally without seeking the assistance 
of the Lord by prayer, I attempted to break 
the chains wherewith Satan had hitherto held 
my soul in bondage. It pleased the Lord, that 
I at this time should obtain some advantages ; 
part of my grosser defilements I was enabled 
to relinquish, and to enter upon a form of de- 
votion. Formal enough indeed it was ? for I 
neither knew that Mediator, through whom, 
nor that Spirit, by whom prayers are offered 
with acceptance to God ; and yet, though ut- 
terly in the dark, as to the true and living way 
to the throne of grace, I am persuaded, there 
were even then seasons, when I was enabled 
to rise above a mere form, and to offer peti- 
tions so far spiriiualy as to be accepted and 
answered. 

I was now somewhat reformed in my out- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE-. 27 

ward conduct ; but the renewing in the spirit 
of my mind, if begun, was scarce discernible. 
As my life was, in my own judgment, less 
wicked, my heart grew more proud ; — the 
idol self was the object of my adoration and 
obeisance : my worldly advancement was 
more eagerly sought than ever; some flatter- 
ing prospects seemed to open, and I resolved 
to improve my advantages, to the uttermost. 
At the same time every thing tended to in- 
crease my good opinion of myself;! was treat- 
ed, with kindness by persons, from whom I 
had no reason to expect it; my preaching was 
well received ; my acquaintance seemed to be 
courted ; my foolish heart verily believed, that 
all this, and much more, was due to my supe- 
rior worth ; whilst conscience, which before, 
by ks mortifying accusations, was useful to 
preserve some sense of unworthiness in my 
mind, was now silenced, or seemed to author- 
ize that pride, which before it checked. And 
because I had the disadvantage of conversing 
in general with such persons, as either favour- 
ed my sentiments ; or, out of good manners, 
or because they saw it would be in vain, 
would not contradict me ; I concluded that 
my scheme of doctrine was the exact standard 
of trnth, and that by my superior abilities I 
was. capable of confuting or convincing all, 
who were otherwise minded. In this view of 
the matter, I felt an eager desire of entering 



2S THE FORCE OF TRUTH I 

into a religious controversy, especially with a 
Calyanist. 

It was at this time that my correspondence 

with Mr. commenced. At the visitation, 

May, 1775, we exchanged a few words in an 
argumentative way; in the room among the 
clergy, which I believe drew many eyes upon 
us. At that time he prudently declined the 
discourse, but a day or two after sent me a 
short note, and a little book for my perusal. 
This was the very thing I wanted, and I glad- 
ly embraced the opportunity, which, accord- 
ing to my wishes, seemed now to offer. — 
This I did, God knoweth, with no inconside- 
rable expectations, that my arguments would 
prove irresistibly convincing, and that I 
should have the honour of rescuing a well 
meaning person from his enthusiastical delu- 
sions. 

Indeed at this time I had conceived a very 
favourable opinion of, and sort of respect for 
him ; because I was acquainted with the cha- 
racter he sustained even among some persons, 
who expressed a disapprobation of his doc- 
trines; they were forward to commend him as 
a benevolent, disinterested, and inoffensive 
person, and a laborious minister. On the oth- 
er hand, I looked upon his religious sentiments 
as rank fanaticism, and entertained a very con- 
temptible opinion of his abilities, natural and 
acquired. Once I had the curiosity to hear 
him preach, and not understanding his ser- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 29 

rnon, I made a very great jest of it, where I 
could do it without giving offence. I had also 
read one of his publications ; but for the same 
reason, I thought the greater part of it to be 
whimsical, paradoxical, and unintelligible. 

Concealing therefore the true motives of my 
conduct under the offer of friendship, and a 
professed desire to know the truth, (which 
amidst all my self-sufficiency and prejudice, I 
trust the Lord had even then given me,) with 
the greatest affectation of candour, and a mind 
open to conviction, I wrote him a long letter: 
purposing to draw from him such an avowal, 
and explanation of his sentiments as would in- 
troduce a controversial discussion of our reli- 
gious differences. 

The event by no means answered my expec- 
tation; •he returned me a very friendly and 
long answer to my letter; in which he careful- 
ly avoided the mention of those doctrines, 
which he knew would offend me; he declared, 
that he believed me to be one that feared God, 
and that was under the teaching of his Holy 
Spirit ; that he gladly accepted my offer of 
friendship, and was no ways inclined to dic- 
tate to me : but leaving me to the guidance of 
the Lord, would be glad, as occasion served, 
from tim*e to time, to bear testimony to the 
truths of the Gospel, and to communicate his 
sentiments unto me, on any subject, with all 
the confidence of friendship. 

In this manner our correspondence began^ 
C2 



30 THE FORCE OP TRUTH: 

and was continued, in the interchange of nine 
or ten letters, until December the same year. 
Throughout I held my purpose, and he his ; I 
madeuseof every endeavour to draw him into 
controversy, and filled my letters with defi- 
nitions, inquiries, arguments, objections, and 
consequences, and required explicit answers ; 
he, on the other hand, shunned every thing 
controversial, a& much as possible, and filled 
his letters with the most useful, and least offen- 
sive instructions ; except that now and then 
he dropped hints concerning the necessity, and 
the true nature and efficacy of faith ; and the 
manner in which it was to be sought, and ob- 
tained ; and concerning some other matters, 
suited, as he judged j to help me forward in my 
inquiry after truth. But they much offended 
my prejudices, afforded me matter of tlisputa- 
tion, and at that time were of little use to me. 

This however is certain, that through the 
whole of the correspondence, I disputed with 
every argument I could devise against almost 
every thing he advanced: was very much net- 
tled at many things he asserted , I read great 
part of his letters, and some books he sent me, 
with much indifference and contempt; con- 
strued his declining* controversy into an ac- 
knowledgment of weakness ; and triumphed 
in many companies as having confuted his ar- 
guments. And at the last, when I could not 
obtain my end, at my instance the correspon- 
dence was dropped. 



AN AUTHENTIC NAERATIVE. 31 

His letters and my answers are now by me; 
and on a careful perusal of them, compared 
with all that I can recollect concerning this 
matter, I give this as a faithful account of this 
correspondence, though different from what has 
been represented. His letters will, / hope, short- 
ly be made puhlic, being such as promise great- 
er usefulness to others, than, through my proud, 
contentious spirit, I experienced from them. 
Mine deserves only to be forgotten, except, as 
they are useful to me to remind me of what I 
was, and to mortify my pride; as tliey illus- 
trate my friend's patience and candour, in so 
long bearing with my ignorance and arrogance; 
and notwithstanding my unteachable, quaivel- 
some temper, continuing his benevolent la- 
bours for my good ; and especially as they re- 
mind me of the goodness of God, who. though 
he abominates and resists the proud, yet 
knows how to bring down the stout heart, not 
only by the iron rod of his wrath, but by the 
golden sceptre of his grace. 

In this manner our correspondence and ac- 
quaintance, for the present, were almost whol- 
ly broken off: for a long time we seldom met, 
and then only interchanged a few words on ge- 
neral topics of conversation. — Yet all along he 
perseveringly told me, to my no small offence, 
that I should accede one day to his religious 
principles; that he had stood on my ground, 
and that I should stand on his ; and he con- 
stantly informed his friends, that, though 



32 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

slowly^ I was surely feeling my way to the 
knowledge of the truth. So clearlv could he 
discern the dawnings of grace in my soul, 
amidst all the darkness of depraved nature, 
and obstinate rebellion to the will of God. 

This expectation was principally grounded 
on my conduct in the following circumstances. 
Immediately after the commencement of our 
correspondence, namely, in May 1775, whilst 
my thoughts were much engrossed by some 
hopes of preferment ; one Sunday, during the 
time of divine service, when the j)salm was 
named, I opened the prayer-book to turn to 
it ; but, (accidentally shall I say, or providen- 
tially?) I opened upon the articles of religion ; 
and the eighth, respecting the authority and 
w*arrant of the Athanasian creed, immediately 
engaged my attention. My disbelief of the 
dooti ine of a trinity of co-equal persons in the 
unity of the Godhead, and my pretensions to 
candour, both combined to excite my hatred 
to this creed ; for which reasons, I had been 
accustomed to speak of it with contempt, and 
to neglect reading it officially. No sooner 
therefore did I read the words, " That it was 
to be thorough 1}' received, and believed ; for 
that it might be proved by most certain war- 
rants of holy scripture;" than my mind was 
greatly impressed, and affected. The matter 
of subscription immediately occurred, and 
from that moment I conceived such scruples 
about it, that until my view of the whole svs- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 33 

tern of gospel doctrine was entirely changed, 
they remained insuperable. 

^Tis wisely said by the son of Sirach, '' My 
son, if thou come to serve the Lord, prepare 
thy soul for temptation/^ 1 had twice before 
subscribed these articles, with the same reli- 
gious sentiments I now entertained. But con- 
science being asleep, and the service of the 
Lord no part of my concern, I considered sub- 
scription as a matter of course, a necessary 
form, and very little troubled myself about it. 
But now, though full of pride, of ambition, 
and of the love of the world, my heart was 
sincerely towards the Lord, and I dared not 
to venture on a known sin deliberately, for 
the sake of temporal interest. Subscription to 
articles which I did not believe, paid as a 
price for church preferment, I looked upon as 
an impious lie, a heinous guilt, that could ne- 
ver truly be repented of, without throwing 
back the wages of iniquity The more I pon- 
dered it, the more strenuously my conscience 
protested against it. At length, after a vio- 
lent conflict betwixt interest and conscience, 
I made known my scruples, and my determi- 
nation not to subscribe: thus my views of pre- 
ferment were deliberately given up, and with 
an increasing family I was left, as far as mere 
human prudence could discern, with little 
other prospect than that of poverty and dis- 
tress. My scruple was, as I now see, a mis- 
taken one 5 much self-sufficiency, undue 



34 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

warmth of temper, and obstinacy, were be- 
trayed in the management of this affair, for 
which I ought to be humbled. But my adhe- 
rence to the dictates of my conscience, and 
holding fast my integrity in such trying cir- 
cumstances, I never did, nor I trust ever shall 
repent of. 

No sooner was my determination known, 
than I was much blamed by many of my 
friends. They all, I am sensible, did it out of 
kindness to me, but they used arguments of 
different kinds. And though I was confirmed 
in my resolution by the reasonings used to in* 
duce me to alter it; yet were they at length 
made instrumental in. bringing me to this im- 
portant determination: ^^not to believe what 
any man said, as to take it upon his authority, 
but to search the word of God with this single 
intention, to discover whether the articles of 
the church of England in general, and this 
creed in particular, were, or were not agreea- 
ble thereto. ^^ I had studied the Scriptures in 
some measure before, for the sake of becoming 
acquainted with the original languages, and in 
order to fetch thence detached texts to sup- 
port my own system — and I had a tolerable 
acquaintance with the historical and percep- 
tive parts of them: but I had not searched this 
precious repository of divine knowledge, with 
the express design of discovering the truth in 
controverted matters of doctrine. I had very 
rarely been troubled with suspicions that I was, 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 35 

or might be mistaken : and now rather thought 
of becoming better qualified upon scriptural 
grounds to defend my determination, than of 
being led to any change of sentiments. 

However, I set about the inquiry; and the 
first passage, as I remember, which made me 
suspect that I might be wrong, was James i. 5. 
^^If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of 
God, who giveth to all men liberally, and up- 
braideth not, and it shall be given him.'^ On 
considering these words with some attention, 
I became conscious, that though I had thought 
myself wise, yet certainly 1 had obtained none 
of my wisdom in this manner; for I had ne- 
ver offered one prayer to that effect in my life: 
and I also perceived this text contained a suita- 
ble direction, and an encouraging promise in 
my present inquiry: and from this time, in my 
poor manner, I began to ask God to give me 
this promised wisdom. 

Shortly after I meditated upon, and preach- 
ed from John vii. 16, 17. ''My doctrine is 
not mine, but his that sent me; if any man 
will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine 
whether it be of God, or whether I speak of 
myself.'^ I was surprised that I had not be- 
fore attended to such remarkable words. I 
discovered that they contained a direction and 
a promise calculated to serve as a clue in ex- 
tricating the sincere inquirer after truth from 
that labyrinth of controversy wherein, at his 
first setting out, he is like to be bewildered^ 



36 THE FORCE OF TRUTlT: 

And though my mind was too much leavened 
with the pride of reasoning, as yet to reap 
that benefit from this precious text, which it 
is capable of affording to the soul that is hum- 
bly willing to be taught of God; yet, being 
conscious that I was willing to risk every 
thing in doing what 1 thought his will ; I was 
encouraged with the assurance, that if I were 
under a mistake, I should sometime discover 
it. 

I was further led to suspect that I might 
possibly be \yrong, because I had not hitherto 
sought the truth in the proper manner, by at- 
tending to Proverbs iii. 5, 6. '• Trust in the 
Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to 
thine own understSinding: in all thy w^ays ac- 
knowledge him, and he shall direct thy 
paths.'' Evidently 1 had not hitherto trust- 
ed in the Lord with all my heart, nor acknow- 
ledged him in all my ways, nor depended on 
his directions in all my paths; but in my reli- 
gious speculations, had leaned wholly to my 
own understanding. 

But though these passages, and some others^ 
mac'e for the present a great impression upon 
me, and influenced me to make it a part of my 
daily prayers, that I might be directed to a 
right understanding of the word of God; yet 
my pride and addictedness to controversy had, 
as some desperate disease, infected my whole 
soul, and I was not to be cured all at once. I 
was far from being like a little child, sitting 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. t^*l 

humbly and simply at the Lord'« feet^ to learn 
from him the very first rudiments of divine 
knowledge. I had yet no abiding suspicion, 
that all which I had heretofore accounted wis- 
dom, was foolishness, and must be unlearned, 
and counted loss, before 1 could attain to the 
excellency of the true knowledge of Jesus 
Christ: for though I began to allow it proba- 
ble, that in some few matters I might have 
been in an error, yet in the main I still was 
confident my scheme of doctrine was true. 
When Iwas pressed with objections and argu- 
ments against any of my sentiments, and when 
doubts began to arise in my mind, to put off the 
uneasiness thereby occasioned, my constant 
practice was to recollect as far as I could, all 
the reasonings, and interpretations of scripture, 
on the other side of the question ; and when 
this failed of afibrding satisfaction, I had re- 
course to controversial writings. This drew 
me aside from the pure word of God, occa- 
sioned by being more remiss and formal in 
prayer, and furnished me with defensive ar- 
mour against my convictions, with fuel for my 
passions, and food for my pride and self-suffi- 
ciency. 

At this time, ^^ Locke's Reasonableness of 
Christianity,^' togetherw^ith his "vindications 
of it," became my favourite piece of divinity. 
I studied this, and many other of Mr. Locke's 
works, with great attention, and a sort of bi- 
goted fondness; taking him almost implicitly 
I) 



38 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

for my master, adopting almost all his conclu* 
sions, borrowing many of his arguments, and 
being scarce able to endure such as would not 
agree w^ith me in my partiality far him. This 
was of great disservice to me,* as, instead of 
getting forward in my inquiry after truth, I 
was thereby furnished with more ingenious, 
and specious arguments, wherewith to defend 
my mistakes. 

But I read one book at this time, because 
mentioned with approbation by Mr. Locke, 
that was of singular use, namely, ''Bishop 
Burnet's Pastoral Care.'' Therein I found 
but little that offended my prejudices, and 
many things, which came home to my con- 
science, respecting my ministerial obligations. 
A few short extracts I shall lay before the 
reader, that w^ere most affecting to my own 
mind. Page 111, having mentioned the ques- 
tion proposed to those who are about to be or- 

* After having spoken so freely of Mr. Locke's divinity, 
which I once so highly esteenied, it seems a piece of jus- 
tice to acknowledge the very great obligations, which the 
whole religious world is under to this great man, for his 
Treatise on Toleration, and his answers to those who 
wrote against it. The grounds of religious liberty, and 
the reasons why every one should be left to his own 
choice, to worship God according to his conscience, were 
perhaps never generally understood since the foundation 
of the world ; until by these publications Mr. Locke unan- 
swerably made them manifest^ 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 89 

ilained Deacons : " Do yon trust that you .are 
inwardly moved by the Holy Ghost to take 
upon you this office, to serve God, for promo- 
ting his glory, and the edifying of his peo- 
ple?" He adds, ^^ Certainly the answer that 
is made to this, ought to be well considered ; 
for if any ene says, ' I trust so,' that yet 
knows nothing of any such motion, and can 
give no account of it, he lies to the Holy 
Ghost, and makes his first approach to the altar 
with a lie in his mouth, and that not to men, 
but to God.'' And again, p. 112, "Shall not 
he, (God,) reckon with those, who dare to 
run without his mission, pretending that they 
trust they have it, when perhaps they under- 
stand not the importance of it; nay, and per- 
haps some laugh at it, as an enthusiastical 
question, who yet will go through with the 
office! They come to Christ for the loaves; 
they hope to live by the altar, and the gospel, 
how little soever they serve at the one, or 
preach at the other ; therefore they will say 
any thing that is necessary for qualifying them 
to this, whether true or false. 

Again, page 122, having interwoven a great 
part of the excellent office of the ordination of 
priests, into his argument concerning the im- 
portance of the work and weight of the min- 
istry; he adds, ^^Upon the whole matter, 
either this is all a piece of gross and impudent 
pageantry, dressed up in grave and lofty ex- 
pressions, to strike upon the weaker part of 



40 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

mankind, and to furnish the rest with mattei* 
to their profane and impious scorn ; or it must 
be confessed that priests come under the most 
formal, and express engagements to constant 
and diligent labour, that can be possibly con- 
trived, or set forth in words/^ He concludes 
this subject of the ordination ofiioes, with ex- 
horting all candidates for orders to read them 
frequently, and attentively, during their sea- 
son of preparation ; that they may be aware 
beforehand of the obligations they are about so 
solemnly to enter into ; and to peruse them at 
least four times in the year, ever after tlieir 
ordination to keep in their minds a continual 
remembrance of their important engagements. 
How necessary this counsel is, every minister, 
or candidate for the ministry, must determine 
for themselves ; for my part, I had never read 
the office over once, when I was ordained, and 
was in great measure a stranger to the obliga- 
tions 1 was about to enter into, until the very 
season ; nor did I ever afterwards attend there- 
to, till if; > advice put me upon it. The 
shameful negligence, and extreme absurdity of 
my conduct in this respect, are too glaring, 
not to be understood, and applied by every 
one, who hath been guilty of a similar omis- 
sion. I would therefore only just mention, 
tbjit hearty, earnest prayer to God, for his 
guidance, help, and blessing, may be suitably 
recommended as a proper attendant on such 
perusal of our obligations, ' 



AN AUTHENl^IC NARRA'TlVE. 41 

Again, p. 147, he thus speaks of a wieked 
clergyman: " His whole life has been a course 
of hypocrisy in the strictest sense of the word, 
which is the acting of a part, and the counter- 
feiting another person. His sins have in them 
all possible aggravations; they are against 
knowledge and against vows, and contrary to 
his character: they carry in them a deh berate 
contempt of all the truths and obligations of 
religion; and if he perishes, he doth not perish 
alone, but carries a shoal down with him, 
either of those who have perished in ignorance 
through his neglect, or of those who have been 
hardened in their sins through his ill exam- 
ple." — Again, p. 138, having copiously dis- 
coursed of the studies befitting ministers, es- 
pecially the study of the Scriptures, he adds, 
^' But to give all these their full effect, a priest 
that is much in his study, ought to employ a 
great part of his time in secret and fervent 
prayer, for the direction and blessing of God 
in his labours, for the constant assistance of 
his Holy Spirit, and for a lively sense of di^ 
vine matters ; that so he may feel the impres- 
sions of them grow deep and strong upon his 
thoughts: this, and this only, will make him 
go on with his work without wearying, and be 
always rejoicing in it.^^ 

But the chief benefit which accrued to me 
from the perusal of this book, was this: I was 
excited by it to an attentive consideration of 
those scriptures which speak of the obligations 



42 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

and duties of a minister, and which hitherto I 
had not observed, or very loosely attended to. 
In particular, it is yet fresh in my memory, 
that I was much affected with considering the 
char2;e of precious souls committed to me, and 
the awful account one day to be rendered of 
them ; as this subject occurred to me in medi- 
tating on Ezekiel xxxiii. 7. 9. ^^So thou, 
son of man ! I have set thee as a watchman 
unto the house of Israel: therefore thou shalt 
hear the word at my mouth, and warn them 
from me. When 1 say unto the wicked, 
wicked man, thou shalt surely die ; if thou 
dost not speak to warn the wicked from his 
way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity, 
buthis blood will I require at thine hand. Ne- 
vertheless, if thou warn the wicked of his way, 
to turn from it; if he do not turn from his vvay, 
he shall die in his iniquit}^, but thou hast de- 
livered thy soul.^^ I was fully convinced with 
J3isiipp Burnet, that every minister is as much 
concerned in this solemn warning, as the pro- 
phet himself. Acts xx. 17 — 35, was another 
portion of scripture, which by means of this 
book was brought home to my conscience; 
especially verse 26, 27, 2S. which serve as an 
illustration of the foregoing Scripture : 
^'Wherefore I take you to record this day, 
that i am pure from the blood of all men, for 
1 have not shunned to declare unto you all the 
counsel of God. Take heed, therefore, unto 
vourselves, and to all the flock over which th^ 



AN AUTHENTIO NARRATIVE. 43 

Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed 
the church of God, which he hath purchased 
with his own blood/' 

In short, at his instances I was put upon the 
■attentive and repeated perusal of the Epistles 
to Timothy and Titus, as containing the sum 
of a minister's duty in all ages. I searched 
out, and carefully considered every text I 
could find in the whole Scripture, which refer- 
red to this argument. I was greatly impress- 
ed by 1 Cor. ix. 16. ^'For necessity is laid 
upon me: yea, wo is me, if I preach not the 
gospel.'^ Nor was I less struck with Colos- 
sians, iv. 17. "Say to Archippus, Take heed 
to the ministry which thou hast received of the 
Lord, that thou fulfil it.'' This was brought 
to my conscience with power, as if the Apos- 
tle had in person spoken these words to me. 
But especially I was both instructed and en- 
couraged by meditating upon 1 Peter v. 2 — 4 
^^Feed the flock of God that is among you, 
taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, 
but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a 
ready mind, neither as being lords over God's 
heritage, but as examples to the flock ; and 
when the chief shepherd shall appear, ye 
shall receive a crown of glory, that fadeth 
not away." 

I hope the reader will excuse my prolixity 
in speaking on this subject; because in itself 
it is very important; and though I got no new 
views of gospel truth from this book, yet I re- 



44 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

ceived such a deep conviction of the difficulty 
and importance of that work, in which I had 
thoughtlessly engaged, and of the imminent 
danger my soul was exposed to, if I neglected 
to devote myself wholly thereto ; that there- 
in was laid the foundation of all my subse- 
quent conduct, and change of sentiment. In- 
deed 1 was guilty of very criminal procrasti- 
nation, after I had been thus convinced; and 
being engaged more than I ouo;ht in other 
matters, I postponed and neglected for a time, 
complying with the dictates of my conscience. 
But I never lost sight of the instruction I had 
received, nor ever had any comfortable reflec- 
tion, until having broken off all other engage- 
ments, I had given myself up to those studies 
and duties which pertain unto the work of the 
ministry. And I have cause to bless God, that 
this book ever came in my way. 

Still, however, my self-confidence was very 
little abated, and my advance in the know- 
ledge of the truth very small. I next read 
Tillotson's sermons, and Jortin's works ; and 
my time being otherwise engaged, I gave in 
to the indolent custom of transcribing their 
discourses with some alterations to preach to 
my people. This precluded free meditation 
on the word of God, and led me for a time to 
take up my opinions upon trust. My preach- 
ing was in general that smooth palatable mix- 
ture of law and gospel, which corrupts both ; 
Nvhich, flattering the pride and prejudice, and 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 45 

soothing the conscience, pleases the careless 
sinner, and self-righteous formalist; but does 
real good to none. 

About this time I foolishly engaged in a 
course of diversion and visiting, more than I 
had done since my ordination : this unfitted 
me for secret prayer and close meditation, and 
rendered the Scriptures, and other religious 
studies, insipid and irksome to me, (a never- 
failing consequence of this vain compliance 
with the world.) For a time, therefore, my 
ardour was damped, my anxiety banished, and 
my inquiries retarded. However, I was not 
permitted entirely to drop my religious pur- 
suits ; generally I made it a rule to read some- 
thing in the Scriptures every day, and had a 
task of daily devotion ; but I was very formal 
and lifeless in both of them. 

Yet, not long after, I was engaged in earnest 
meditation on our Lord's discourse with Nico- 
demus, (John iii. ) I felt an anxious desire to 
understand this interesting portion of Scrip- 
ture; especially to know what it was to be 
born again, or from above, and of the Spirit; 
which in five verses our Saviour hath three 
times declared absolutely necessary to salva- 
tion. It was absurd to suppose that such strong 
expressions implied no more than baptism with 
water. Tillotson's controversial sermons on 
this subject, afibrded me no satisfaction. Some 
iz;reat and total change I supposed to be intend- 
i^(\y not only in the behaviour, but also in tho 



46 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

heart. But having not yet clearly experienced 
that change, I could not understand wherein 
it consisted. However, having offered some 
poor prayers for divine teaching, I undertook 
to preach upon it; but I talked very darkly, 
employed a considerable part of my time in 
declaiming against visionaries and enthusiasts, 
and reaped very little benefit from it. Yet 1 
v/as so well satisfied with my performance, 
that in the course of my correspondence with 
Mr. — — , I sent him these sermons for his 
perusal; who, in return, sent me some of his 
mvn upon the same subject. But though sin- 
cerely desirous to understand our Lord's mean- 
ing in this important matter, I was too proud 
to be taught by hi7)i: I cast my eye, there- 
fore, carelessly over some of them, and re- 
turned the manuscript without attending to 
any thing contained in it. 

Nothing material occurred after this, until 
the next spring, 1776; when 1 was induced 
by what I had learned from Bishop Burnet, to 
establish a lecture once a week in one of my 
parishes, for expounding the Scriptures. This 
brought many passages which I had not ob- 
served, under attentive consideration, and af- 
forded my reflecting mind abundance of em- 
ployment, in attempting to reconcile them 
with each other, and with my scheme of doc- 
trine. 

Little progress, however, had been made, 
when, in May 1776, I heard a dignified cler- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE^ 47 

.^yman, in a visitation sermon, recommend Mr. 
Soame Jennyns's ^'Treatise on the internal evi- 
dences of Christianity/' In consequence of this 
recommendation, I perused it, and not unprofi- 
tably. The truth and importance of the gos- 
pel revelation appeared with convincing evi- 
dence to my understanding, and came with 
efficacy to my heart, by reading this book : 
thence I received more distinct and heart af- 
fecting views of the design of God in this re- 
velation of himself; and I was led to much 
serious reflection, and earnest prayer, to be 
led to, or established in the truth concerning 
the nature and reality of the atonement by the 
death of Christ; for hitherto I was a Socinian, 
or very little better in this respect. 

But, to counterbalance this advantage, Dr. 
Clarke's Scripture doctrine of the Trinity, and 
the controversy which ensued upon its publi- 
cation, became a favourite part of my study. 
The Arian scheme seems so inconsistent with 
reason, that when reflecting men, in order to 
avoid those mysterious, and, as they imagine, 
unreasonable conclusions, which, according 
to the true meaning of words, the Scriptures 
contain, have been induced to become Arians ; 
it is wonderful they do not, for the same cause, 
embrace the Socinian system. This is the 
natural progress ot unhumbled reason : from 
Arianism to Socinianism ; from Socinianism 
to Deism; and then to Atheism. — Many and 
awful have been the examples of reasoning ; 



48 THE FORCE OP TRUTH' 

and learned men, who, under the name of phi- 
losophers, arrogating to themselves the prero- 
gative of superior discernment, have manifest- 
ed the propriety with which they claimed this 
pre-eminence, by treading this down-hill road, 
almost, if not quite, to the very bottom. 

But when a man has fallen so low as Soci- 
nianism, not merely for want of information, 
or by blindly and implicitly adopting the sen- 
timents of other men ; but by leaning to his 
own understanding, and preferring the con- 
clusions of his own reason, to the infallible 
dictates of the Holy Ghost ; it is not common 
for him to return graduallv by the retrograde 
path, first to Arianism, and then to the receiv- 
ed doctrine of the Trinity. Yet this was my 
case. Dr. Clarke appeared to me so undeniably 
to establish his argument, by express Scripture 
evidences, and so plausibly defended his sys- 
tem on both hands, and backed his cause with 
so many seeming authorities, that on one side 
I found myself unable any longer to maintain 
my Socinian principles, but was constrained to 
relinquish them as untenable; and on the other 
I was not aware of the flaw in his reasoning, 
and the unavoidable consequence of his mid- 
dle doctrine ; namely, that the Son, and Holy 
Ghost, however exalted, or dignified with | 
names and titles, must either be viere crea- 
tures^ or that otherwise there must be three | 
Gods. Not perceiving this, and my newly 
acquired reverence for Scripture, and my old I 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 4^ 

.^elf-confidence and fondness for reasoning, 
being, by this conciliating scheme, both hu- 
moured, I cordially acceded to his sentiments^ 
and for a long time could not endure any other 
doctrine. 

Nothing further of any consequence occur- 
red till about December 1776, when ''Mr. 
Law^s Serious Call,^' a book I had hitherto 
treated with contempt, was carelessly taken up 
by me. But I had no sooner opened it, than 
I was struck with the originality of the work, 
and the spirit and force of argument where- 
with it is written. This I speak merely as to 
his management of the subjects he treats of; 
for there are many things in it, that I am far 
from approving; and to be sure it contains as 
little gospel, as any book of religion I am ac- 
quainted with. But though a very uncomfor- 
table book for a person who is duly brought 
under a serious concern for his soul; yet 'tis 
very useful to prepare the way, to show the 
need which w^e have of a Saviour, and to en- 
force the practice of that holy diligence in the 
use of means, which the important interests of 
eternity reasonably demand. This w^as its use 
to me. By the perusal of it, I was convinced^ 
that I w^as guilty of great remissness and neg- 
ligence; t]iat the duties of secret devotion 
called for far more of my time and attention 
than had been hitherto allotted to them ; that 
if I hoped to save my own soul, and the souls 
of those that hoard me, I must in this respect 
E 



50 THE FORCE OF T^UTH : 

greatly alter my conduct, and increase my 
diligence in seeking and serving the Lord. 
From that time I began to study in what man- 
ner my devotions might be rendered more fer- 
vent and pertinent; I transcribed and laid up 
in my memory, scripture petitions ; I employ- 
ed some time in reading manuals of devotion, 
made attempts to compose prayers m3^self, 
and became more frequent and earnest, and I 
trust more spiritual than heretofore, in my 
secret addresses to the Majesty of Heaven. 

About this time, after many delays, I com- 
plied with the admonitions of my^conscience, 
and disengaged myself from all my other em- 
ployments, with a solemn resolution of leav- 
ing all my temporal concerns in the hands of 
the Lord, and of entirely devoting myself to 
the work of the ministry. Being thus become 
master of all my time, I dropped every other 
study, and turned the whole current of my 
reflections, inquiries, and reading into another 
channel, and thenceforth scarce opened a book, 
which treated of any thing besides religion. 

The first step I took after this disengage- 
ment, was to keep common-place books; one 
I had for noting down remarkable passages out 
of other authors; and another for collecting 
into one view, every text I could n^eet with in 
Scripture, respecting the most important and 
controverted doctrines of .the gospel. Though 
I held this but a little time; (for when my ewr. 
2:a2:ements multiplied; I dropt it;) yet I found 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 51 

it very useful, in bringing me acquainted with 
many passages of the word of God, to which 
I had not hitlierto much attended ; and it pre- 
pared the way for penning my sermons, On 
doctrinal subjects, with the scripture testimo- 
nies concerning the point in hand, in one view 
before me. 

In January 1777, I met with a very high 
commendation of Mr. Hooker's works, with 
the honourable distinction of judicious be- 
stowed upon him. This excited my curiosity 
to -read his book, which accordingly I did with 
great profit. In his discourse upon justifica- 
tion, page 4S6, folio edition, printed 1682, I 
met with the following remarkable passage, 
which, as well for its excellency, as for the 
effect thereof upon my religious views, I shall, 
though somewhat long, transcribe. ^^ If our 
hands did never offer violence to our brethren, 
a bloody thought doth prove us murderers be- 
fore him. If we had never opened our mouth 
to utter any scandalous, offensive, or hurtful 
word, the cry of our secret cogitations is heard 
in the ears of God. If we did not commit the 
sins, which daily and hourly, in deed, word, 
or thoughts, we do commit; yet in the good 
things which w^e do, how many defects are 
there intermingled! God, in that which is 
done, respecteth the mind, and intention of 
the doer: — cut off' then all those things, where- 
in we have regarded our own glory, those 
things which men do to please men, and to 



52 THE FORCE OP TRUTH: 

satisfy our own liking, those things which we 
do for any by respect, not sincerely, and pure- 
ly for the love of God ; and a small score will 
serve for the number of our righteous deeds. 
Let the holiest, and best things, which we do, 
be considered : we are never better affected 
unto God, than when we pray; yet when we 
pray, how are our affections many times dis- 
tracted! how little reverence do v/e show unto 
the grand Majesty of Heaven, unto whom we 
speak! how little remorse of our own miseries! 
how little taste of the sweet influence of his 
tender mercies do we feel ! Are we not as un- 
willing many times to begin, and as glad to 
make an end, as if in saying, " Call upon me/^ 
he had set us a very burthensome task ? It 
may seem somewhat extreme, which I will 
speak ; therefore let every one judge of it, 
even as his own heart shall tell him, and no 
otherwise. I will but only make a demand! 
if God should yield unto us, not as unto Abra- 
ham ; if fifty, forty, thirty, twenty, yea, or if 
ten good persons could be found in a city, for 
their sakes the city should not be destroyed: 
but, and if he should make us an offer thus 
large: Search all the generations of men, since 
the fall of our father Adam; find one man, that 
hath done one action, which hath passed from 
him pure without any stain or blemish at all; 
and for that one man's only action, neither 
men nor angels shall feel the torments which 
are prepared for l)oth. Do you think that thi^ 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE, 53 

ransom to deliver men and angels could be 
found among the sons of men? The best 
things, which we do, have somewhat in them 
to be pardoned ; how then can we do any thing 
meritorious, or worthy to be rewarded ? In- 
deed, God liberally promiseth whatsoever ap- 
pertaineth to a blessed life to as many as sin- 
cerely keep his law, though they be not ex- 
actly able to do it. VVhercfore we acknow- 
ledge a dutiful necessity of doing well, but the 
mei'itorious dignity of doing well, we utterly 
renounce. We see how far we are from the 
perfect riglit.eousness of the law; the little 
fruit, which we have in holiness, it is God 
knoweth, corrupt, and unsound; we put no 
confidence at all in it ; we challenge nothing 
in the world for it ; we dare not call God to 
reckoning, as if we liad him in our debt books. 
Our continual suit to him is, and must be, to 
])ear with our infirmities, and pardon our 
oflences.'' 

I had no sooner read this passage, than I ac- 
quired such an insight into the strictness and 
spirituality of the divine law, and the perfec- 
tion which a just and holy God, according to 
that law, cannot but require in all the services 
of his reasonable creatures; that I clearly per- 
ceived my very best duties on which my main 
dependence had hitherto been placed, to bo 
mere specious sins; and my whole life appear- 
ed to be one continued series of transgression^. 
I novv^ understood the apostle's meaning; whrii 
E 2 



54 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

he affirms, ^'That by the works of the law 
can no flesh be justified before God.'^ All my 
difficulties in this matter vanished; all my 
distinctions and reasonings about the meaning 
of the words law and justification, and all my 
bon-owed criticisms about them, failed me at 
once. I could no longer be thus amused; for 
I was convinced, beyond the possibility of a 
doubt, that all men were so notoriously trans- 
gressors of every law of God, that they none 
of them could be justified in his sight, accord-^ 
ing to any law: I was sensible that if God 
should only call me into judgment before him, 
according to the strictness of his perfect law, 
for the best duty I ever performed, I must be 
condemned as a transgressor ; when weighed 
in these exact balances, it would be found 
wanting. Thus was I eflectually convinced, 
that if ever I were saved, it must be in some 
way of unmerited mercy and grace, though I 
understood not clearly in w^hat way till long 
after. Immediately, therefore, I took for my 
text, GaLatians iii. 22. — '^But the Scripture 
hath concluded all under sin, that the promise 
that is by faith in Jesus Christ, might be given 
to them that believe ;" and preached from it 
according to Hooker's doctrine ; expressing, as 
strongly as I could, the defilements of our best 
actions, and our need of mercy in every thing 
we did ; in order the more evidently to show 
that salvation w^as of grace, through faith, not 
of works, lest any man sliould boast. How- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 55 

ever, I had not jet attained unto the know- 
ledge of the fouh:iess of that fountain whence 
all these polluted streams ffow forth so plen- 
tifully into our lives and conversations. 

1 was not then able to receive the following 
nervous passages concerning justification, (p. 
495.) ^'But the righteousness, wherein wc 
must be found, if we will be justified, is not 
our own ; therefore, we cannot be justified by 
nny inherent quality: Christ hath merited 
righteousness for as many as are found in him. 
In him God findeth us if we be faithful; for by 
faith w^e are incorporated into Christ. Then, 
although i.n ourselves we be altogether sinful 
and unrighteous, yet even the man who is im- 
pious in himself, full of iniquity, full of sin : 
him being found in Christ through faith, arui 
having his sin remitted through repentance ; 
him God upholdetli with a gracious eye, put- 
teth away his sin by not im.puting it ; takell5 
quite away the punishment clue thereunto by 
pardoning it ; and accepteth liim in Jcsi; 
Christ as perfectly righteous, as if lie had fui- 
filled all that was commanded him in the law. 
Shall I say more perfectly righteous, tJKr.i ii 
himself had fulfilled the whole law! 1 must- 
take heed what I say; but the apostle saith, 
^^ God made hhn lo be sm Jo?' ris^ lolio kmcic 
no sin, that wc might he made the rrp^hteoiis- 
ness of God in him.^^ Such are wc in the 
sight of God the Father, as is the very son of 
God himself. Let itbe counted follv.or frenzv. 



56 THE FORCE OF TRUTH I 

or fury, whatsoever ; it is our comfort and our 
wisdom ; we care for no knowledge in the 
world but this, that man hath sinned and God 
hath suffered; that God hath made himself 
the Son of man, and that men are made the 
righteousness of God." 

Equally determinate and expressive is what 
he says, p. 500. ^'As for such as hold with 
the church of Rome, that we cannot be saved 
by Christ alone without works, they do not 
only by a circle of consequence, but directly 
deny the foundation of faith; they hold it not: 
no, not so much as by a single thread.'' If 
ih^ judicious Mr. Hooker's judgment may, in 
this important concern, be depended on, as 1 
suppose it will not easily be proved erroneous, 
I fear the foundation of faith is only held by a 
small part of that church which has honoured 
her champion with this distinction. 

Page 508 and 509, he thus defends his doc- 
trine against the objections of the Papists, (for 
at that time none but the Papists objected to 
it,) ^^It is a childish cavil, wherewith, in the 
matter of justification, our adversaries do so 
greatly please themselves, exclaiming that we 
tread all christian virtues under our feet, and 
require nothing of Christians but f^iith; be- 
cause we teach that faith alone justifieth. 
Whereas, by this speech we never meant to 
exclude either hope or charity from being al- 
ways joined as inseparable mates with faith, in 
the man that is justified; or works from being 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 57 

added as necessary duties required at the hands 
of every justified man ; — but to show that faith 
is the only hand which putteth on Christ unto 
justification; and Christ the only garment^ 
which being so put on, covereth the shame of 
our defiled natures — hideth the imperfection 
of our works — preserveth us blameless in the 
sight of God; before whom, otherwise, the 
weakness of our faith were cause sufficient to 
make us culpable, yea, to shut us from the 
kingdom of Heaven, where nothing that is not 
absolute can enter.'^ 

Had I at this time met with such passages 
in the writings of the Dissenters, or any of 
those modern publications, which, under the 
brand of Methodistical, are condemned with- 
out reading, or perused with invincible preju- 
dice, I should not have thought them worth 
regard, but should have rejected them as wild 
enthusiasm. But I knew that Hooker was 
deemed perfectly orthodox, and a standard 
writer, by the prelates of the church in his 
own days. I learned from his dispute with 
Mr. Travers, that he was put upon his defence, 
for making concessions in this matter to the 
church of Rome, which the zealous protestants 
did not think warrantable; that he was judg- 
ed by the more rigid, too lax in his doctrines; 
by none too rigid. I had never heard that it 
had been insinuated, that he was tinctured with 
enthusiasm; and the solidity of his judgment, 
«nd acuteness of his reasoning faculties, need- 



58 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

ed no voucher to the attentive reader. His 
opinion therefore carried great weight with it; 
made me suspect the truth of my former senti- 
ments, and put me upon serious inquiries, and 
deep meditation upon this subject, accompa- 
nied with earnest prayers for the teaching and 
direction of the Lord therein. The result 
was, that after many objections, and doubts^ 
and much examination of the word of God, in 
a few months I began to accede to Mr. Hook- 
er's sentiments. And at the present my opi- 
nion in this respect, as far as I know, coincides 
Avith these passages of this eminent author, and 
is supported and vindicated with the same ar- 
guments; he therefore, w^ho would prove our 
doctrine of justification by faith alone to be au 
error, will do well to answer in the first place 
thjBse quotations from Mr. Hooker. 

And indeed, as far as I can understand him, 
there is scarce any doctrine, which, with no 
inconsiderable offence, I now preach, that is 
not as evidently contained in his writings, as 
in my sermons. Witness particularly his 
"Discourse of the certainty, and perpetuit)^ of 
faith in the elect,'' in v/hich the doctrine of 
the final perseverance of true believers, as far 
as seems worth contending for, is expressly 
taught and maintained: And he closes it with 
this noble triumph of full assurance, as result- 
ing from that comfortable doctrine in the hearts 
of confirmed and experienced christians: (page 
532^) "I know in whom I have believed; I 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 59 

am not ignorant whose precious blood has 
been shed for me ; I have a shepherd full of 
kindness, full of care, full of power; unto him 
I commit myself. His own finger hath en- 
graven this sentence in the tables of my hearty 
Satan hath desired to winnow thee os ivheat^ 
but I have prayed that thy faith fail not ; 
therefore the assurance of my hope I will 
labour to keep as a jewel unto the end, and by 
labour through the gracious mediation of his 
prayers, I shall keep it/^ With such words 
in my mouth, and such assurance in my heart, 
I wish to live, and hope to die. 

The insertion of these quotations from this 
old author, I hope will need no apology ; 
fnany have not his works, and these extracts 
are worthy of their perusal; others, for these 
specimens, may be prevailed on to read, w^hat 
perhaps hath hitherto been an unnoticed book 
in their studies. Especially I recommend to 
those who admire him as the champion of their 
external order and discipline of the church;^ 
and such as willingly allow him the honour of 
being distinguished by the epithet Judicious ; 
that they would attentively read and impar- 
tially consider his doctrine. This would put 
an effectual stop to those declamations, that 
either ignorantly or maliciously are made 
against those very doctrines as novel inven- 
tions, which have just now been explained and 
defended, in Mr. Hooker's own words. For 
my own part, though I acknowledge that he 
advancos many things I should be unwilling to 



60 THE FORCE OP TRUTH: 

subscribe to ; yet I heartily bless God, that at 
this time I read him ; the first material altera- 
tion that took place in my views of the gos- 
pel, being in consequence thereof. 

One more quotation I shall produce, and so 
take my leave of him; (page 552,) addressing 
himselT unto the pastors, who are appointed to 
feed the chosen in Israel, he says, ''If there 
be any feeling of Christ, any drop of heavenly 
dew, any spark of God's good Spirit within 
you, stir it up; be careful to build and edify, 
first yourselves, and then your flocks, in his 
rnost holy faith. I say, first yourselves; for 
he, which will set the hearts of other men on 
fire with the love of Christ, must himself burn 
with love. It is want of faith in ourselveS;^ 
my brethren, which makes us watchless, (care- 
less,) in building others. We forsake the 
Lord's inheritance, and feed it not. What is 
the reason of this ? Our own desires are set- 
tled where they should not be. We ourselves 
are like those w^omen, which have a longing 
to eat coals and lime, and filth ; we are fed, 
some with honour, some with ease, some with 
wealth. The gospel waxeth loathsome, and 
unpleasant in our taste. How should we then 
have a care to feed others with that w^e cannot 
fancy ourselves ? If faith wax cold and slender 
in the heart of the prophet, it will soon perisli 
from the ears of the people." 'Tis not need- 
ful to add any reflections upon this pass[\ge, 
every one will readily make ihem for himself: 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 61 

we are however reminded thereby of Solo- 
mon's words, (Eccl. i. 9, 10.) "There is no 
new thing under the sun; is there any thing 
whereof it may be said, this is new ? It hath 
been already of old time which was before 
us.'' (Eccl. iii. 15.)— ^^ That which hath 
been, is now, and that which is to be, hath al- 
ready been." 

To my shame be it spoken, though I had 
tw^ice subscribed the articles which allow the 
book of Homilies to be sound and whalesome 
doctrine, I had never yet seen them, and un- 
derstood not what that doctrine was. But 
now, being engaged in a serious inquiry after 
truth, and Hooker's works having given me a 
more favourable opinion of these old authors, I 
was inclined to examine them : and read part 
of the book with some degree of attention. 
And though many things seemed hard say- 
ings, that I could not receive ; yet many 
others were made very useful to me, especial- 
ly concerning justification. In short, I per- 
ceived, that that doctrine, which I had hither- 
to despised as methodistical, was the standard 
doctrine of the established church, when that 
book was composed ; and consequently that 
it was so still: for that book has lost none of 
its authority, though much of its esteem with 
those, who subscribe the thirty-nine articles. 
This weakened my prejudice, though it did 
not prove the doctrine true. 

About this time a new and unexpected ef- 
F 



€2 THE FORCE OP TRtJTH:' . 

feet was produced by my preaching. I had 
hitherto been satisfied to see people regularly 
frequent the church, listen attentively to what 
was discoursed, and lead moral, decent lives, 
The way in which I had been led was so 
smooth, and the progress I had made so gra- 
dual ; I had lately so little experienced dis- 
tressing concern for my own soul, and had so 
little acquaintance with persons conversant 
with these matters; that though I declared the 
strictness, and spirituality, and sanction of the 
law of God in an alarming manner, yet it never 
occurred to me but that they who profited 
thereby, would proceed in the same easy gra- 
dual way. But I had scarce begun this new* 
method of preaching, when application w^as 
made to me by persons in great distress about 
their souls ; their consciences being awakened 
to a sense of their lost condition by nature and 
practice, they were anxious in inquiring, what 
they must do to be saved? I knew not well 
what to say to them, my views being very 
clouded, and my sentiments very perplexed 
concerning justification: but being willing to 
give them the best counsel I could, I exhorted 
them to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, 
though I was neither capable of instructing 
them concerning the true nature of faith, nor 
in what manner they were to seek for it. 
However, I better understood my own mean- 
ing, when I advised them to the study of the 
Scriptures, accompanied with prayer to God. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 63 

to be led to the right understanding of them; 
and when I inculcated amendment of life. In 
this manner the Lord slowly brought them 
forwards; and though, for want of a better 
instructor, they 'vere a considerable time be- 
fore they arrived at establishment in the faith, 
yet some of *them having their minds less leav- 
ened with prejudice and the pride of reason- 
ing, were more apt scholars in the school of 
Christ than I was, and got the start of me in 
the knowledge both of doctrine and duty ; and 
in their turns became, though without intend- 
ing it, in some things my monitors, to my no 
small advantage. 

This singular circumstance of being the in- 
strument of a work of grace in others, whilst 
I myself so little understood the true gospel of 
Jesus Christ, very much increased my per- 
plexit}^ I became doubly earnest to know 
the truth, lest I should mislead those who con- 
fided their precious souls to me, as their spiri- 
tual instructor. This added to my diligence 
in reading and meditating on the word of i&od ; 
and made me more earnest in prayer, to be 
guided to the knowledge of the truth. And 
under every difficulty I constantly had re- 
course unto the Lord, to preserve me from 
ignorance and error, and to enable me to dis- 
tiijguisli between the doctrines of his word, 
and the inventions and traditions of men. 

At this time I established a weekly lecture 
for expounding vScripture in my other parish^ 



64 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

whieh occasioned my further acquaintance 
with the various parts of the word of God. It 
was my general practice in penning these lec- 
tures, to search out all the Scriptures referred 
to in the margin, and all others I could recol- 
lect upon the subject, and to make«use of them 
in explaining each other. This method ena- 
bled me to store my memory with texts of 
Scripture, and maJe way for a greater exact- 
ness in discussing doctrinal subjects, than I 
had hitherto been acquainted with. 

In the course of this winter, 1777, 1 was en- 
gaged in deep meditation upon Luke xi. 9. 
13 : concerning the Holy Spirit being given in 
answer to prayer. And, at length, having 
made a collection of»all the Scriptures I could 
meet with which respected that important doc- 
trine, and having diligently compared them 
together, and meditated upon them, and be- 
sought the Lord to fulfil the promise to my 
soul, I wrote two sermons upon the subject ; 
one from Luke xi. 13. — ^^If ye then being 
evil know how to give good gifts unto your 
children, how much more shall your heavenly 
Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask 
him.^' The other from James i. 16, 17. — 
^' Do not err, my beloved brethren, every 
good gift, and every perfect gift is from above, 
and cometh down from the Father of Light.^^ 
By this my views of a Christianas privileges 
and duties in this respect, were much enlarged, 
and my requests were made known unto the 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 65 

Lord in a more full, exact, and believing man- 
ner, than heretofore. Though much in the 
dark in many important matters respecting the 
person, offices, and work of the Holy Ghost ; 
yet I had discovered more of what was pro^ 
mised concerning him^ and therefore knew 
better what to ask for. 

My obligations to Bishop Beveridge are 
next to be acknowledged. When I first be- 
gan to peruse his sermons, 1 conceived a mean 
opinion of him, and it was some time before I 
could prevail with myself to examine any fur- 
ther iuto his writings ; but being now further 
advanced in my inquiry after truth, those sin- 
gularities which at first offended me became 
tolerable, and I began to relish the simplicity, 
spirituality, and love of Christ, and affection 
for souls, which eminently shine forth in many 
places of his works. Indeed, I received con- 
siderable instruction from him ; but especially 
his sermon on the real satisfaction made by 
the death of Christ for the sins of believers, 
was the blessed means of clearing up my views, 
and confirming my faith respecting that fun- 
damental doctrine of Christianity. On Good 
Friday, 1777, I preached a sermon upon that 
subject, from Isaiah liii. 6. ^^All we like 
sheep have gone astray;-— we have turned 
every one to his own way, and the Lord hath 
laid, (hath caused to light,) on him the iniqui- 
ties of us all.'' Wherein I endeavoured to 
prove that which hath ever since been the sple 
F2 



()6 THE FORCE OP TRUTH: 

foundation of all my hopes; namely, that 
Christ indeed bare the sins of all who should 
ever truly believe in all their guilt, condem- 
nation, and deserved punishment in his body 
on the tree. And I explicitly avov^ed my be- 
lief, that Christ, as our surety and bonds-man, 
stood in our law place, to answer all our obli- 
gations, and to satisfy divine justice, and the 
demands of the law for our offences : and I 
publicly renounced, as erroneous and grievous 
perversions of Scripture, all my former ex- 
planations and interpretations of these sub- 
jects. 
• This was the first doctrine in which I was 
clearly and fully brought to acknowledge the 
truth, though I had with no little earnestness 
for two years been inquiring about it; to so 
astonishing a degree w^as my blinded under- 
standing filled with prejudice against the doc- 
trines of the word of God! — Hitherto they 
3iad been foolishness to me, but now, under 
the divine teaching, I began, though very 
dimly, to discern the wisdom of Ggd in them. 
I say dimly, for I was still under many and 
great mistakes, and in much ignorance in the 
most important matters* I knew sin to be a 
transgression of God^s law ; but 1 did not see 
its odious deformity, in being deliberate re- 
bellion against God's sovereign authority, and 
an express contradiction to his holy nature : 
in charging God foolishly, as either wanting 
wisdom or goodness in laying such restraints 



AN AUTHENTIC NAKRATIVE. 67 

upon the inclinations of his creatures; and as 
tending to overturn all subordination in the 
universe, and to introduce anarchy, confusion, 
and misery, into the whole creation of God. 
My own best actions I perceived to be de- 
filed; but I understood not that this w^as the 
effect of a depraved nature, and a polluted 
heart. The doctrine of original sin, as the 
fruitful root of these multiplied evils, was not 
yet a part of my creed. Inconsistently I was 
an Arian or a Clarkist in my sentiments con- 
cerning the person of Christ, and the divinity 
of the Holy Ghost. Some faint conception I 
had formed of that sanctifjang w^ork of the 
Holy Spirit in the soul ; the beginnings of it I 
little understood. And I continued to enter- 
tain an implacable enmity to the doctrine of 
election, and those connected with it But 
my faith was now Sxed upon a c^:ucified Sa- 
viour; (though I dishonoured his person and 
denied his deity,) and I had a sincere desire of 
being devoted to the Lord. He, therefore, in 
mercy accepted his own work in ray heart, 
and pardoned all that was mine, and at length 
extricated me out of that labyrinth of difficul- 
ties, in which I was entangled. 

About this time, in the course of my lec- 
tures, our Lord's discourse with Nicodemus 
came again under my consideration. Notwith- 
standing much meditation and many prayers, 
I could not satisfy my mind about it. I was 
convinced some internal change must be im- 



68 THE FORCE OP TRUTH : 

plied in the expressions, being boru from 
above, and born of the Spirit ; and according 
to what I had experienced, I endeavoured to 
explain it j but I was much in the dark, and 
had niany doubts whether I was right or 

wrong. 

Hitherto, excepting "Leland on the Deisti- 
cal Writers/' I had not read any book writ- 
ten by a dissenter, with the least degree of 
candour and attention; but at this crisis I met 
with the first volume of Doctor Evans's ser^ 
inons, entitled, ^'The Christian Temper/' I 
■yv^as induced to read it by the recommendation 
pf a friend ; but such was my proud, foolish 
Jieart, that I opened it with great prejudice, be- 
cause I understood the author was a dissenter. 
However, this book came with a blessing; 
for by perusing it, I at length perceived, that 
fallen man, both body and soiil, is indeed, car- 
pal, and sold under sin; that by nature, in 
every man living, the reasonable and immor- 
tal part is destitute of spirituality, immersed 
Jn matter, and by a dishonourable and misera- 
bly prostitution, is given up to make provision 
for the flesh to fulfil the lust thereof: and that 
jnan must be renewed in the spirit of his mind, 
new-created unto good w^orks, born of the 
Spirit of God, made partaker of a new and di- 
vine nature, before he can possibly be made 
meet for, or admitted into the kingdom of 
God, In a very little time all my difficulties 
a^bout this mjitter vanished, and the truth be- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 69 

came so exceedingly plain and evident, that 
until I had made the experiment, I could 
scarce be persuaded, but that every person 
%vho heard it rightly explained, must assent to 
it This doctrine 1 have ever since invaria- 
bly preached with good effect, I trust, in open- 
ing the eyes of sinners, and turning them from 
darkness unto light, and from the power of 
Satan, unto God. (Acts xxvi. 28.) 

About this time my acquaintance with Mr. 

, was resumed. From the conclusion of 

our correspondence in December, 1775, till 
April, 1777, it had been almost wholly drop- 
ped. To speak plainly, I did not care for his 
company ; I did not mean to make any use of 
him as an instructor, and was unwilling the 
world should think us any ways connected. 
But under discouraging circumstances I had 
occasion to call upon him ; and his discourse 
comforted and edified me, and my heart be- 
ing, by his means relieved from its burden, 
became susceptible of affection to him. From 
that time I was inwardly pleased to have him 
for my friend ; though, not as now, rejoiced 
to call him so. However, I had no* thoughts 
of learning doctrinal truth from him, and- was 
ashamed to be detected in his company ; but 
I sometimes stole away to spend an hour with 
him. About the same time I once heard him 
preach, but it was still foolishness to me, his 
sermon being much upon the believer's expe- 
rience; and, therefore; though I loved and 



70 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

valued him, I considered him as a person mis- 
led by enthusiastical notions, and strenuously 
insisted that we should never think alike, till 
we met in heaven. 

All along, in the progress of this inquiry, I 
grew more and more concerned about my 
char^icter; I saw myself continually verging 
nearer and nearer to that scheme of doctrine 
which the world called Methodism : nor 
•could I help it, without doing violence to my 
convictions. I had indeed set out with the 
avowed, and I trust sincere resolution of seek- 
ing for the truth, as rmpartially as possible ; 
and of embracing it wherever I found it, w^ith- 
out respect to interest, reputation, or any 
worldly consideration whatsoever: I had ta- 
ken patiently and supported comfortably, the 
loss of my opening prospect of preferment, I 
trust mainly from the supports of grace, and 
the consciousness of having acted with in- 
tegrity; but I am not sure, but there might 
therewith creep in some consolation to my 
deceitful heart, from a vain imagination that 
my character would be no loser. Ambitious 
thirst after the praise of men was much more 
my peculiar corruption, than covetousness; 
and I had been in no ordinary degree proud 
of my natural understanding; the people called 
Methodists, I had been accustomed to hear 
mentioned with contempt as very silly, as 
fools, and sometimes as madmen ; with no 
small degree of complacency, and self-prefe- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 71 

rence, I too had despised them, as weak en- 
thusiasts. But I now began to be apprehen- 
sive, that the tables were about to be turned 
upon me; if I professed and teached these 
doctrines, I must no longer be considered as a 
man of sober understanding, but one of those 
persons, whose heads being naturally weak, 
had been turned by religious studies ; and 
w^ho, having fallen under the power of enthu- 
siasm, are become no better than fools. 

This was the sharpest trial 1 passed through, 
having not yet learned, that, " when we are 
reproached for the name of Christ, happy are 
we.'^ Nor did I remember that the Apostles 
were fools for Christ's sake, were deemed to 
be beside themselves ; went through evil re- 
port, and good report, as deceivers, and yet 
true ; that they were every where spoken 
against, as the fellows that turned the world 
upside down ; were treated as vain babblers, 
and accounted the filth of the world, and the 
offscouring of all thingis. I did not consider 
that Jesus himself, the brightness of the Fa- 
ther's glory, the Word and Wisdom of God, 
who went about doing good, and spake as ne- 
ver man spake, was not only rejected but de- 
spised as not worth hearing, as one that had a 
devil, as in league with the devil, as a blas- 
phemer, a Samaritan, a madman, a devil him- 
self. I read indeed, but my understanding 
was not yet opened to understand such plain 
§criptures as these, (John xv. 19, ^0 :} << If 



75 THE FORCE OP TRUTH: 

ye were of the world, the world would lore 
his own ; but because ye are not of the world, 
but I have chosen you out of the world ; there- 
fore the world hateth you. Remember the word 
that I said unto you : the servant is not greater 
than the Lord; if they have persecuted me, they 
will also persecute you.'^ And Matt. x. 24, 
25. -^The disciple is not above his master, 
nor the servant above his Lord. If they have 
called the master of the house Beelzebub, how 
much more shall they call them of the house- 
hold V And Matt. v. 1 1, 12.— ^^Blessed are 
ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute 
j^ou, and say all manner of evil against you 
falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceed- 
ing glad, for great is your reward in heaven; 
for so persecuted they the prophets that 
were befor.e you,^^ Not being aware of these 
consequences, when my resolution was first 
formed, 1 was as one, w^ho hath begun to build 
w^ith counting the cbjst, and was greatly dis- 
turbed, when 1 saw me favourite idol of my 
proud heart, my character, in such imminent 
danger. 

It must be supposed this w^ould make me 
cautious what doctrines I admitted into my 
creed ; and unwilling to be convinced, that 
those things were true and important, the pro- 
fession of which was sure to bring infamy on 
my character ; and that even after the fullest 
conviction, I should thereby be rendered very 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 73 

careful in what manner I preached them. In 
general, however, though* the conflict was 
sharp, I was enabled to be faithful. The 
words, ^'necessity is laid upon me, yea, wo is 
me, if I preach not the gospel >^' were com- 
monly upon my mind when I penned my ser- 
mons, and when I entered the pulpit; and 
though when a bold declaration of what I be- 
lieved to^be the truth, with an offensive appli- 
cation of it to the consciences of my hearers^ 
drew opposition and calumny upon me, I have 
secretly resolved to be more circumspect the 
next time ; yet when that time came, my heart 
and conscience being both engaged, I have not 
dared to conceal one tittle of what appeared to 
me to be true, and to promise usefulness. But 
whilst with perturbation of mind, and with 
many disquieting apprehensions, I declared 
the message with which I supposed myself to 
be intrusted ; to screen myself from the charge 
of Methodism, and to soften the ofl:'ence, I was 
frequently throwing out slighting expressions, 
and bringing the charge of enthusiasm against 
those who preached such doctrines as I was 
not yet convinced of. On the other hand, m)^ 
concern about my character quickened me very 
much in prayer, and increased my diligence in 
searching the Scriptures, that I might be sure 
I was not, at this expense, preaching cunning- 
ly devised fables, ^instead of feeding the souls 
committed to my care, with the unadulterated 
.milk of gospel-truth. 

Gr 



'74 THE FORCE OF 'TRUTH: 

In this state of my mind, which is easier 
understood by experience than description, I 
met with Mr. Venn's Essay on the Prophecy 
of Zacharias. I was no stranger to the char- 
acter he bore in the eye of the world, and did 
not begin to read his book with great alacrity, 
or expectation ; however, the importance of 
the subjects therein treated of engaged my at- 
tCiition, and some degree of impartiality as l4^ 
proceeded. I disapproved indeed, and quar- 
relled with many things ; but others evidenced 
their truth and importance to my understand- 
ing and conscience ; especially I found a word 
in season, respecting my weak and wicked 
shame and attention to character, in inquiring 
after divine truth, and in the performance of 
the important duties of a gospel rfiinister. 
These solemn words in particular went home 
to my heart. ''If the spirit of the world, 
pride, carelessness respecting the soul, and the 
neglect of Christ, be not hateful to God, and 
destructive to men, the gospel, (with reve- 
rence I speak it,) is an imposition. Do you 
abhor that thought as blasphemy ? Abhor as 
much a fawning upon Christ from year to year 
in your closet, caUing him there your Lord 
and your God : and then coming out to con- 
sult the world, how far they w^ill allow you to 
obey his plain commands, without saying you 
are a Methodist? Cease rather to profess any 
•^llus;ia(ice to Christii than treat him, under 
professions of duty, with 5uch contempt. I 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 15 

would, saith he to the church of Laodicea, thou 
wert cold or hot, so then because thou art 
lukewarm, and neither cold or hot, I will spue 
thee out of my mouth?^ Rev. iii. 15, 16. 

I should as easin^ be convinced that there 
was no Holy Ghost, as that he was not present 
with my soul when I read this passage, a'id 
lg;|he whole of what Mr. Venn has written upon 
'the subject It came to m.y heart with SMch 
power, conviction, and demonstration of the 
Spirit, that it lifted me up above the- world, 
and produced that vicJory which faith alone 
can give; and that liberty, which Uiiilornily 
attends the presence of the Spirit of the Lor4. 
I became at once ashamed of my base mgrati- 
.tude and foolish fears; and was ailed with such 
consolation, and rejoicing even in the pros- 
pect of sacrificing my character^ and runniiig 
the risk of infamy and contempt, as made me 
entirely satisfied on that head; and, some fr'W 
unbelieving seasons excepted, I have ever 
since been very little troubled about being ac- 
counted an Enthusiast, or a Methodist 

But still I remained as much, and am now 
more afraid of enthusiasm itself, than ever; 
and the nearer I verged to vvdiat I had igno- 
rantly supposed to be enthusiasmi, the more 
apprehensive I became, lest my earnestness in 
such interesting inquiries, and the warmth of 
my natural spirit thus occasionally increased, 
should put me off my guard, and betray me 
into delusions and mistakes.- — From this dan- 



76 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

ger I could obtain no security, but by keepinii^ 
close to the study of the word of God ; and 
by being earnest and particular in praying to 
be preserved from enthusiasm, and to be ena- 
bled to distinguish between the pure revela- 
tions of the Holy Spirit, and the inventions of 
men, or the delusions of the spirit of lies. 

The doctrine of a trinity of co-equal persons 
in the Unity of the Godhead, had been hith- 
erto no part of my creed. I had long been ac- 
customed to despise this great mystery of god- 
liness: I had quarrelled with the articles of 
the established church about this doctrine : I 
had been very positive and open in my decla- 
rations against it; and my unhumbled reason 
still retained objections to it. But about June, 
1777, I began to be troubled with doubts 
about it, and to suspect the truth of Dr. Clarke's 
hypothesis. I had just read Mr. Lindsey's 
Apology and Sequel. Before I saw them, I 
had made a jest of those who thought of con- 
futing him on the orthodox scheme, and was 
not without thoughts of maintaining Dr. 
Clarke's System against him. But when I 
understood that he claimed Dr. Clarke as a 
Socinian, I was surprised, and engaged in 
much anxious consideration of the subject. 
The more I studied, the more I was dissatis- 
fied ; many things now first occurred to me, 
as strong objections against my own senti- 
ments upon that head ; and being perplexed 
and unable to make out a scheme for myself, I 



1 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 77 

easily perceived that I was not qualified to 
dispute with another person. T^ly pride and 
my convictions struggled hard for the victory; 
I was very unwilling to become a Trinitarian, 
in the strict sense of the word, though in my 
own sense I had for some time pretended to 
be one ; and yet the more I considered it, the 
more I was dissatisfied with all other systems. 

My esteem for Mr. , was also now very 

much increased; and though I had hitherto 
concealed this part of my sentiments from 
him, yet I knew his to be very different: and 
though I was not willing to be taught by hiim 
in other matters, yet in this respect, finding 
his opinion the same which in all former ag;es 
of the church hath been accounted orthodox, 
whilst that whicii I held had all along been 
branded as heretical, my fears of a mistake 
were thereby exceedingly iiii'reased. In this 
perplexity I applied to the Lord, anrl be:^ > r vt. 
him to lead me to a settled cof^c^ 
was the truth. After much me litaiinn vipuri 
this subject, together with a careful examina- 
tion of all the Scriptures which I riicn und: 
stood to relate thereto, ^ccompani-'? ^^'i ' 
hearty prayer for divine teaching, 
length constrained to renounce, as ut'cr 
defensible, all my former sentiments, r- ^ 
accede to that doctrine which I had e 
despised. I saw, and could no longer -. 

seeing, that the offices and works attributed 
in Scripture to the Son and Holy Gho^t^ ar 
G2 



78 THE FORCE OF TRUTH! 

stch as none but the infinite God could per* 
form ; that it is a contradiction to believe the 
real, and consequently infinite satisfaction to 
divine justice made by the death of Christ, 
without believing him to be very God of very 
God: nor could the Holy Ghost give spiritual 
life unto, and dwell in the hearts of all believ- 
ers at the same time, to suit his work of con- 
vincing, enlightening, teaching, strengthen- 
ing, sanctifying, and comforting, to the seve- 
rjal cases of every individual, were he not the 
omniscient, omnipresent, infinite God. And 
being assured from reason, as well as from 
Scripture, that there is not, and cannot be 
more Gods than one, I was driven from my 
reasonings, and constrained to submit my na- 
tural understanding to divine revelation ; and 
allowing that the incomprehensible God alone 
c^ fully know the unsearchable mysteries of 
his own divine nature, and the manner of his 
own existence to adopt the doctrine of a Tri- 
nity in Unity, in order to preserve consistency 
in my own scheme. But it was a considera- 
ble time before I was disentanged from my 
embarrassnients on this subject. 

Hitherto my prejudices against Mr. Hervey, 
as a writer upon doctrinal subjects, had been 
very strong. 'I thought him a very pious man, 
and I had read with pleasure some parts of his 
meditations ; but having considered him an 
enthusiast, I had no curiosity to read any 
cither of his writings. But about July, 1777, 



1 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 79 

I providentially met with his dialogues and 
letters between Theron and Aspasio, and open- 
ing the book, I was much pleased with the 
first passage on which I cast my eye. This 
engaged me to read the whole with uncommon 
attention : nor did I, in twice perusing it, ever 
meet w^ith any thing contrary to my own sen- 
timents, without immediately beseeching the 
Lord to guide me to the truth. I trust the 
Lord heard and answered these my prayers : 
for, though I could not but dissent from him, 
(as I still do,) in some few things, yet I was 
very much enlightened thereby, in everything 
relative to our fallen, guilty, lost, and help- 
lessly miserable state by nature; and the way 
and manner in which the believer is accounted 
and accepted as righteous in the presence of a 
just, holy, and heart-searching, a faithful, and 
unchangeable God ; especially his animated 
description and application of the stag-chase, 
cleared up this important matter to my mind, 
more than any thing I had hitherto met with 
upon the subject. 

I had now acceded to most of the doctrines 
which at present I believe and preach ; except 
the doctrine of personal election, and those 
which depend on, and are connected with it. 
These were still foolishness to me, and so late 

as August, 1777, I told my friend Mr. , 

that I was sure I never should be of his senti- 
ments on that head, to which he answered, 
that if I neyer mentioned this subj\ect, he never 



80 THE EORCE OF TRUTH: 

should, as we were now agreed in all he judged 
absolutely needful ; but he had not the least 
doubt of my very shortly becoming a i*alvin- 
ist, as I should presently discover my system 
of doctrine to be otherwise incomplete and in- 
consistent with itself. And indeed by this 
time I had so repeatedly discovered myself to 
be mistaken, where I had been very confident, 
that I began to suspect myself in every thing 
wherein I entertained sentiments diflferent 
from those with whom I conversed. This did 
not influence me to take their opinions upon 
trust; but it disposed me more particularly and 
attentively to consider them ; and in every 
perplexity to have recourse to the Lord, to 
be preserved from error, and guided to the 
truth. 

About the same time also, I began to have 
more frequent applications made to me by 
persons under deep concern for their souls. 
My heart was much engaged in this new em- 
ployment ; I was much troubled to see their 
pressing anxieties, and to hear their doubts, 
difficulties, and objections against themselves. 
Being sincerely desirous to instruct them 
right, and to lead them on to establishment and 
comfort, I felt my deficiency, and seemed to 
have no ground to go on, nor any counsel to 
give them, but what led them into greater 
perplexity, instead of relieving them. In this 
case I earnestly besought the Lord to instruct 
me what word in season to speak unto them. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 81 

Thus circumstanced, I read ^^Witsius's 
Economy of the Covenants/^ and observed 
what use he made of the doctrine of election 
for this very purpose. This convinced me that 
tlie doctrine, if true, would afford that ground 
of comfort which my people wanted. It would 
evince, that their being awakened out of a 
careless state, to an earnest concern for, and 
anxiety about their souls, and to an hearty de- 
sire of cleaving unto the Lord; and their want 
of some security that they should not, through 
the deceitfulness of their own hearts, their 
own weakness, the entanglements of the world, 
and the temptations of Satan, fall back again 
into their former course of sin, was the work 
of the Holy Ghost. If this were wrought in 
consequence of the determinate purpose and 
forek^iowledge of God respecting them, it 
would follow from the entire and undeserved 
freeness of this first gift, bestowed on them, 
when neither desiring nor seeking it, but being 
in a state of enmity and rebellion against, and 
neglect of God. and from his unchangeableness 
in his purposCvS, and faithfulness to his pro- 
mises, that he would assuredly carry on, and 
complete this good work- of his grace, and 
keep the believing soul as in a castle, through 
faith unto salvation. 

'Having now considered one use of this doc- 
trine, which before I obje(^ted to as useless and 
pernicious, I began to consider how the other 
jobjection* which I had been accusto^ei to 



82 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

urge against it might be answered. 'Tis true 
that I began to consider this whole matter as a 
mystery not to be comprehended, nor yet too 
curiously searched into by man's natural rea- 
son, but humbly received by faith, just as far 
as it is plainly revealed in God's unerring 
word. Many objections, therefore, I was con- 
strained to leave unanswered, resolving them 
into the incomprehensible nature of God, 
whose judgments, and still more his counsels, 
are, as the great deep, unfathomable; and into 
the sovereignty of God, who does what he 
will with nis own, and gives no account of any 
of his m.atters, let who will presume to find 
fault: and into his declarations, that his 
thoughts and ways are as far above our thoughts 
and ways, as tte heavens are above the earth. 
Here I left this matter, conscious at length, 
tliat such knowledge was too high for me, and 
that if God had said it, il was not my place to 
cavil against it.' I acknowledge this way of 
answering objections is not very satisfactory 
to man's proud curiosity, who would be as 
God, and know all that God knows, and even 
dares to dispute with him ; and there are 
times when I can hardly acquiesce in such a 
solution : but surely it is highly becoming the 
dependent state, and limited understanding of 
the creature, to submit the decision of all such 
high points, implicitly to the award of the in- 
finitely wise Creator. And the christian reli- 
gi(fn expressly requires it of us, for* our Lord 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 83 

declares, that ^^ Except we receive the king- 
dom of God," (not as a disputing philosopher,) 
but " as a little child, we shall in no wise enter 
therein." The day is coining, when we shall 
be able to answer all objections. Here we are 
to walk by faith, and spe in part, and as 
through a glkss, darkly ; hereafter we shall 
see face to face, and know even as we are 
known. 

Leaving theriefore all difficulties of a meta- 
physical nature to be cleared up in that world 
of light and knowledge, I began to consider 
the abuses of this doctrine, which I had al- 
ways looked upon as being a very formidable 
objection against it. But I soon discovered, 
that though ungodly men, who make profes- 
sion of religion, will turn the grace of God 
into licentiousness ; yet that we might so ex- 
plain and guard these doctrines, that none 
could thus abuse them, without being con- 
scious that they did so, and detecting their 
own hypocrisy. It still indeed appeared pro- 
bable to me, that the preaching of them might 
occasion some trouble of mind at first to a few 
well-disposed persons; but I considered that 
by a cautious declaration of them, and con- 
trasting them with the general promises of the 
gospel to all who believe, this might in a great 
measure bfe prevented; and at the w^orst, a little 
personal conversation with such persons, would 
seldom, if ever, fail to satisfy their minds, and 
even enable them in general to derive encou- 



84 THE FORCE OF TRtJTH : 

ragement from them ; whilst the unsettling of 
the minds of such persons, as are carelessly 
living in an unconverted state, is the great end 
of all our preaching to them ; and therefore we 
need not fear any bad eflect of this doctrine in 
that respect. The great question therefore was, 
^^are these doctrines in the Bible, or no?^' 
Hitherto I had wilfully passed over, and ne- 
glected, or endeavoured to put some other 
construction upon all those scriptuies which 
directly ^speak of them; but now I began to 
consider, meditate, and pray over them ; and I 
soon found that I could not support my former 
interpretation of them. They would teach pre- 
destination, election, final perseverance and 
assurance, in spite of all my twisting and ex- 
pounding. It also occurred tome that though 
now in disgrace, they were universally believ- 
ed and maintained by our venerable reformers; 
that they were admitted, at the beginning of 
the reformation, into the creeds, catechisms, 
or articles of every one of the Protestant 
churches; that our articles and homilies ex- 
pressly maintained tliem : and consequently, 
that a vast number of wise and sober-minded 
men, who in their days were burning and shi- 
ning lights, upon mature deliberation, had 
agreed, not only that they were true, but that 
they ought to be admitted as useful, or even as 
necessary articles of faith by every one, who 
deemed himself called, to take upon him the 
)ffice of a christian minister. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 85 

In the course of this inquiry I perceived, 
that my system of doctrine was incomplete 
without them. I believed, that men by na- 
ture born in sin, and the children of wrath, by 
wicked w^orks the enemies of God, being in 
themselves ungodly, and without strength, 
were saved of free mercy and grace, without 
having done any thing, more or less, to de- 
serve it, through the Redeemer's righteousness 
and atonement, received by faith, the gift, and 
operation of God ; and accompanied with a 
new birth of the Spirit, a new creation unto 
good works, and to the divine image, by the 
powder of the Holy Ghost: and now, there- 
fore, it occurred to me, to inquire from what 
source these precious blessings, thus freely 
flowing through the channel of redemption to 
poor worthless sinners, could originally spring? 
In this inquiry, my mind being carried back 
from the consideration of the effects, to the 
consideration of their causes ; and from the 
promises made to fallen man, to the counsels 
and purposes of God, which induced him to 
give those promises; and meditating on the 
divine perfections, his omniscience, unchange- 
ableness, and eternity^ and the end which the 
all-sufficient God had in view, in all his works, 
even the manifestation of the glory of his own 
perfections; I at length perceived, that this 
great w^ork of redemption, as planned by God, 
to whom were known all his works from be- 
fore the foundation of the world, must be the 
H 



S6 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

result of his eternal purpose, of displaying the 
glory of his mercy and grace in harmonious 
consistency with his most awful justice, and 
glorious holiness ; and thereby manifesting the 
inexhaustible resources of his manifold wis- 
dom, in thus reconciling, and at one time, and 
in one work, unitedly glorifying these his at- 
tributes, which considered as perfect ^ seem, to 
created understanding, irreconcileable to each 
other. Especially, I was convinced of this, 
when I discovered, that until the fall of man 
made way for, and the redemption had mani- 
fested the attribute of mercy to sinners, it had 
as far as we can learn, been unexercised, and 
undisplayed, and consequently unknown to 
any but God himself from all eternity ; nor 
could he have the glory of it, but must have 
been considered as so perfect in justice and 
holiness, as to be incapable of exercising mer- 
cy, had he not chosen some objects on whom' 
to exercise it ; and devised some way wherein 
to exercise it, in consistency with his other 
perfections. Thus I perceived redemption to 
be the effect of a settled design formed in 
God's eternal counsels, of manifesting himself 
to his reasonable creatures to be complete, and 
full orbed in all conceivable perfections; that 
the merciful and gracious nature of God, the 
fountain of goodness, alone moved him to 
choose any transgressors of his law, as objects 
of his favourable regard; that his unconstrain- 
ed vvill and pleasure are th^ only assignable 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 87 

causes of his choosing one, rather than ano- 
ther; that the objections are as strong against 
this being understood of nations, or collective 
bodies, as of individuals ; that the whole work 
being his own ; his wisdom having devised 
the means, his love and all-sufficiency having 
in the person, offices, and work of Christ, 
made all things ready; his providence direct- 
ing absolutely to whom the word of invitation 
should be sent; and his Holy Spirit alone in- 
clining, and enabling the soul to embrace it by 
faith : therefore, that God who knoweth the 
end from the beginning, and is a sovereign, 
and when none have deserved any thing, may 
do as he will with his own, did actually 
^' choose every individ'ual believer, in Christ, 
before the foundation of the world, that we 
should be holy and without blame before him 
in lore ; having predestinated us unto the adop- 
tion of children by Jesus Christ to himself 
according to the good pleasure of his will ; to 
the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein 
he hath made us accepted in the beloved. '^ — 
(Eph. i. 4. 6.) 

In short, though my objections were many 
my anxiety great, and my resistance long ; 
yet, by the evidence which, both from the 
word of God, and from my own meditation, 
crowded upon my mind, I was at length con- 
strained to submit, and, God knoweth, with 
fear and trembling, to allow these formerly 
despised doctrines a place in my creed : and, 



88 THE FORCE OF TRUTH! 

accordingly, about Christmas, 1777, I began 
cautiously to establish the truth of them, and 
to make use of them for the consolation of 
poor distressed, and fearful believers. This 
was the only use I then knew of them, though 
I now see their influence into every part of 
gospel truth. 

However, I would observe, that though I 
assuredly believe these doctrines, as far as 
here expressed ; (for I am not willing to trace 
them any higher by reasonings or consequen- 
ces into the unrevealed things of God,) and 
though I exceedingly need them in my view 
of religion, both for my own consolation, and 
security against the consequences of my own 
deceitful heart, an ensnaring world, and a sub- 
tle tempter ; as also for the due exercice of my 
pastoral office; yet I would not be understood 
to place the acknowledgment of them upon a 
level with the belief of the doctrines, that 
have before been spoken . of. I can readily 
conceive the character of an humble, pious, 
spiritual Christian, who either is an utter 
stranger to these Calvinistical doctrines, or 
through misapprehension, or fear of abuse, 
cannot receive them. But I own that I find a 
difficulty in conceiving an humble, pious, spi- 
ritual Christian, who is a stranger to his own 
utterly lost condition, to the deceitfulness and 
depravity of his heart, to the natural aliena- 
tion of his affisctions from God, and to the de- 
filements of his best duties; who trusts either 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE, 89 

in whole or in part, allowedly^ to any thing 
for pardon and jastification, but the blood and 
righteousne.ss of a crucified Saviour, who is 
God manifested in tlie flesh ; or who expects 
to be made meet for the inheritance of the 
saints in light, in •any other way, than by be- 
ing born again, new created, converted, and 
sanctliied by the divine power of the Holy 
Ghost. 

Some time in Novem.ber, 1777, I was by a 
then unknown friend, furnished wdth a consi- 
derable number of books, written in general 
by the old divines botli of the church of Eng- 
land, and of the Dissenters. And to my no 
small surprise, I found, that those doctrines, 
which are now deemed novel inventions, and 
are called Methodistical, are in these bpoks 
every where discoursed of as known and al- 
lowed truths ; and that that system, wiiicli, 
despising to be tauglit by men, and unacquaint- 
ed with such authors, I had for near three 
j^ears together been hammering out of myself 
with no small labour and anxiety, was to bo 
found read}'' made to my hands, in every book 
I opened. 

I make no wonder, that the membei's of the 
church of England are generally prejudiced 
against the writings of Dissenters ; for I have 
been so myself to an excess; Vvc imbibe this 
prejudice with the first rudiments of insiruc- 
tion, and are taught by our whole education to 
consider it as meritorious ; — thou2;h no doubt 
li ^> 



90 THE FOUCE OF TRUTH*. 

it is a prejudice, of which every sincere inqui- 
rer after truth ought to be afraid, and every 
pretended inquirer ashamed; for how can we 
determine on which side truth lies, if we will 
not examine both sides? And indeed it is 
well known to all those, w^ho are acquainted 
with the church histories of those times, that 
until the reign of James the First there were 
no controversies between the church establish- 
ed, and the Puritans, concerning doctrine, both 
parties being in all matters of importance of 
the same sentiments ; they only contended 
about discipline and ceremonies, until the in^ 
troduction of Arminianism gave occasion to 
the Calvinists being denominated Doctrinal 
Puritans. Unto this period all our church 
writers were CalvinisLical in doctrine, and 
even after that time, many might be men- 
tioned who were allowed friends of the church 
of England, who opposed these innovations, 
and agreed in doctrine with every thing that 
hath been mentioned. Let it suffice, out of 
many, to recommend Bishop HalPs works, 
especially his '^Contemplations on the Life 
of Jesus, ^' a book not easil)^ too highly prized: 
and Dr. Reynolds' works. To these, no true 
friend to the church of England can reasona- 
bljT^ object. And in general I believe, and 
teach nothing, but what they plainly taught 
before me, as I could easily prove, but that I 
have been too tedious already. 

I had now got the out-lines of my scheme 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRLTIVE. 91 

of doctrine marked out; but I had been so 
taken up with these doctrinal inquiries, that 
hitherto 1 was very much a stranger to the 
workings of my own heart, and had little ex- 
perience in my own soul, of the power of 
these truths. The pride of reasoning, and the 
conceit of my supeaior discernment, had all 
along accompanied me; and though somewhat 
broken, had yet considerable influence. Hith- 
erto therefore I had not thought of hearing 
any person preach, because I did not know 
that any person, in the circle of my acquaint- 
ance, was capable of informing me in anj thing 
deserving attention, of which I was ignorant. 
But at length perceiving, that in the whole 

matter Mr. had been right, and that I 

had been mistaken, it occurred to me, that 
having preached these doctrines so long, he 
must understand many things concerning 
them, to which I was a stranger. Now there- 
fore, though not without much remaining pre- 
judice, and not less in the character of a judge, 
than of a scholar, I condescended to be his 
hearer, and occasionally to attend his preach- 
ing, and that of some other Ministers. I soon 
perceived the benefit of this ; for, from time 
to time, I found the secrets of my heart disco- 
vered to me, far be}A)nd what I had hitherto 
noticed myself; and seldom returned from 
hearing a sermon, without having conceived a 
meaner opinion of myself ! without having at- 
tained to a further acquaintance with my deft- 



1)2 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

ciencies, my weakness, my corpuptlons, and 
wants ; and without being supplied with fresh 
matter for prayer, and directed to greater 
w^atchfulness. Moreover I learned the use of 
experience in preaching, and was convinced 
that the ready way to come at other people's 
hearts and consciences was to speak from my 
own. In short, I gradually saw more and 
more of my need of instruction, and was 
brought to consider myself as a very novice in 
religious matters. I began experimentally to 
perceive our Lord's meaning, when he says, 
" Except ye receive the kingdom of Heaven 
as a little child, ye shall in no wise enter 
therein.'' For though my proud heart is con- 
tinually rebelling, and would fain build up 
again the former Babel of self-conceit ; yet I 
trust from this time, in my settled judgment 
I have desired, and prayed to be enabled, to 
consider myself as a little child, v»/ho ought 
simply to sit at the master's feet, to hear his 
words with profound submission, and wait his 
teaching with an earnest desire and patient 
attention. And from this time I have been 
enabled to consider those persons, whose know- 
ledge has been ripened by years, experience, 
and observation, as fathers and instructors^ to 
take pleasure in their company, value their 
counsels, and love to attend their preaching. 

Thus I trust the old building, that I had 
purposed to repair, was pulled down to the 
cround^ and the foundation of the new build- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 93 

ing of God laid aright; old things were passed 
away, behold all things were become new. 
What things were gain to me, those I have 
counted loss for Christ; my boasted reason I 
discover to be a blind guide, until humbled, 
enlightened, and sanctified by the Spirit of 
God ; my former wisdom I now know to have 
been foolishness, and that when I thought I 
knew much, I knew nothing as I ought to 
know. Since this period, every thing I have ex- 
perienced in my own heart, every thing 1 
have heard and read, every thing I observe 
around me, confirms and establishes me in the 
assured belief of those truths, which I have re- 
ceived; nor do I in general any more doubt 
their being from God, than 1 doubt whether 
the sun shines, when I see its light, and am 
warmed with its refreshing beams. I see tlie 
])owerful effects of them continually amongst 
those to whom I preach: I experience the 
power of them daily in my own soul ; and 
Avhilst by meditating on, and rejoicing in the 
cross of Christ, I find the world crucified unto 
me, and I unto the world ; by preaching Je- 
sus Christ, and him crucified, I see notoriously 
immoral persons influenced to deny ungodli- 
ness and worldly lusts, and to live soberly, 
righteously, and godly in this present world, 
being an example to such, as before they vv^ere 
a scandal to. 

And now by this change, the consequences 
of which I so much dreaded, what have I lo«t 



94 THE FORCE OF TRUTH I 

even in respect of this present world ? Indeed 
I have lost some degree of favour, and escape 
not pity, censure, scorn, and opposition : but 
the Lord is introducing me to a new and far 
more desirable acquaintance; even to that of 
those, whom the Holy Ghost hath denominat- 
ed the excellent of the earth ; nay, the Lord 
the Spirit condescends to be my comforter. 
In general I enjoy an established peace of con- 
science, through the blood of sprinkling, and 
and continual application to the heavenly Ad- 
vocate ; with a sweet content, and that peace 
of God, which passeth all understanding, in 
casting all my cares upon him, who careth for 
me. And I am not left utterly w^ithout expe- 
rience of that joy, which is unspeakable and- 
full of glory. These the world could not give 
me, were I in favour with it ; of these it can- 
not deprive me by its frowns. My desire 
henceforth, God knoweth, is to live to his 
glory, and by my whole conduct and conver- 
sation to adorn the doctrine of God my saviour, 
and to show forth his praise, who hath called 
rne out of darkness into his marvellous light; 
to be in some way or other useful to his be- 
lieving people; and to invite poor sinners, 
who are walking in a vain shadow, and dis- 
quieting themselves in vain, to taste and sea 
how gracious the Lord is, and how blessed 
they are^ who put their trust in him. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 95 

Now would I tell to sinners round, 
What a dear Saviour I have found ; 
Would point to his redeeming blood. 
And cry, behold the way to God! 

Thus hath the Lord led me, a poor blind 
sinner, in a way that I knew not, he hath 
made darkness light before me, crooked things 
straight, and hard things easy, and hath 
brought me to a place, of which I little 
thought when I set out ; and having done 
these things for me, I believe, yea, I am un- 
doubtingly sure, he ^ill never leave me nor 
forsake me. * To him be the glory of his un- 
deserved, long resisted grace ; to me b'e the 
shame not only of all my other sins, but also 
of my proud and perverse opposition to his 
purposes of love towards me. But all this w^as 
permitted, that my high spirit and stout heart 
'being at length humbled and subdued, I might 
remember, and be confounded, and never open 
my mouth more, because of my shame^ now 
that the Lord is pacified to me for all that I 
have done. 

And now, as in the presence of the heart- 
searching God, I have given without one wil- 
ful misrepresentation, addition, or material 
omission, an history of the great things God 
Jiath done for my soul; or if that suit not your 
view of it; an history or that change which 
hath recently taken place in my religious sen- 
timents aud conduct, to the surprise of some^ 



96 THE FORCE OF TRUTH r 

and perhaps displeasure of others of my for- 
mer friends. The doctrines, which I have now 
received, are indeed charged with being de- 
structive of moral practiee, and tending to li- 
centiousness ; but, though I know that my best 
righteousnesses are as filthy rags, yet I trust I 
may return thanks to God, that by his grace 
he hath so upheld me, since this change took 
place, that I have not been permitted to dis- 
grace the cause in which I have embarked, bjr 
any immoral conduct : my rejoicing, in this 
respect, is this, that in simplicity and godly 
sincerity, not with fleshfy vtisdom, but by the 
grace of God I have my conversation in the 
world. And sincerely I may avow, that the 
belief of these doctrines, hath a quite contrary 
effect upon me. I most heartily desire, aim, 
endeavour, and pray to be enabled to love 
God and keep his commandments, without 
partiality and without hypocrisy, and so to 
demean myself, as by well doing to put to si^ 
lence the ignorance of foolish men. That I 
fall so very far short in every thing is not the 
effect of my new doctrines, but of my old de- 
praved nature, and deceitful heart. Create in 
me a clean heart, God, and renew a right 
spirit within me! 



PART III. 

C ONT AINING 



limTAM®Me 



ON THE 
FOREGOING NARRATIVE 

My design in writing this account of myself, 
and my religious inquiries, and change of sen- 
timents, was as follows : 1 considered mysetf a 
singular instance of a very unlikely person, in 
an uncommon manner, being led on from one 
thing to another to embrace a system of doc- 
trine whieh he once heartily despised. And 
as I do assuredly believe that this change hath 
been effected under the guidance and teaching 
of the Holy Ghost; so I verily hoped that a 
circumstantial' relation of it might be an en- 
couragement and comfort to those, who know 
and love the Lord, and from them levy a tri- 
bute of gratitude, and praise to our gracious 
wonder-working God : and that it also might 
be instrumental, by the convincing Spirit, to 
awaken others to a serious review of their re- 
I 



!9S OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

ligious sentiments ; to put them upon the same 
earnest inquiry after the truth, as it is in 
Jesus; and to influence them to the diligent 
use of the same blessed means, in which the 
Lord directed me to be found. In order to 
forward this effect, I w^ould offer a few obser- 
vations upon what has been related, to the at- 
tentive and impartial consideration of the 
reader; and itiay the Lord guide both the^ 
writer and reader of these sheets to the saving 
knowledge of himself, and of the ways of 
truth and peace! 

Now, 1st. I think it must be evident to 
every unprejudiced I'eader of this narrative, 
that at the time this change commenced, I was, 
humanly speakings a most unlikely person, to 
embrace this system of doctrine. This will 
appear from the following considerations. 

1. By reason of my religious opinions at 
that time, which had been for many years di- 
rectly contrary thereto. Being always of a 
reflecting turn, I had exceeding high notions 
of the powers of human reason, and a very 
favourable opinion of my own understanding: 
and I had upon reasoning principle.^, embraced 
a system of religion, which, while it soothed 
my conscience, flattered this self-conceit. Af- 
ter some trivial alterations, I seemed to my- 
self, upon mature deliberation, to have come 
to a settled determination, and had bestowed 
considerable pains in making myself acquaint- 
ed with those arguments and interpretations of 



FOREGOING NARRATIVE. 99 

Scripture wherewith that system is usually 
defended ; and I had raked together many of 
those plausible objections^ and high charges, 
which are by reasoning men brought against 
the doctrines, and persons of the Calvinists. 
But on the other hand, I was in a great me^i- 
sure a stranger to what the Calvinists could 
say for themselves; because I thought the mat- 
ter too plain to bear an argument, and there- 
fore did not think their answers worth read- 
ing. In short, I was fallen so very low, that 
very few have ever been recovered from that 
abyss of error, into which I had been permit- 
ted to sink. Full of confidence in my cause, 
and in the arguments, with which I was pre- 
paring myself, and with the most sanguine ex- 
pectation of success, I was eager to engage in 
controversy wtth the Calvinists. In this con- 
fidence I frequently harangued against them 
from the pulpit, and spared not to charge upon 
them consequences both absurd and shocking. 
And yet at length after much, very much 
anxious, diligent inquiry, I have embraced, as 
the sacred truths of God^s unerring word, 
every doctrine of this despised system, 

2. From my natural spirit and temper, I 
was a most unlikely person thus to change. 
Few persons were ever more self-sufficient and 
positive in their opinions, than I was. Fond, 
to excess of entering into argument, I never 
failed on these occasions to betray this peculi- 
arity of my character. I seldom acknow- 



100 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

ledged or suspected myself mistaken: — and 
scarce ever dropped any argument, until either 
my reasonino's, or obstinacy had silenced my 
opponent. A certain person once said of me, 
that I was like a stone rolling down the hill, 
Vv'hich could neither be stopped, nor turned ; 
this witness was true ; but those things which 
are impossible with man, are easy with God: 
I am evidently' both stopped, and turned: man 
I am persuaded could not have done it ; but 
this hath God wrought, — and I am not more a 
wonder to others than to myself. Indeed I 
carried tlie same obstinate, positive temper 
into my religious inquiries: for I never gave 
up one tittle of my sentiments, till i could 
defend them no lon2:er, nor ever submitted to 
conviction, till 1 could make no longer resist- 
ance. The strong man armed with my natu- 
ral pride, and obstinacy: and having with my 
vain imaginations, and reasonings, and high 
ihous^hts, built himself many strong holds, 
kept his castle in my heart; and thus garri- 
soned, when the stronger than he came against 
him, he stood along siege ; till being by supe- 
rior force driven from one to another, and all 
his armour wherein he trusted, being at length 
taken from him, he was eonstrained to recede. 
And the Lord having made me willing in the 
day of his power, i was forced to confess : 
*• Lopd, thou art stronger than I, and liast 
prevailed. ^^ 

3. jMv situation in life rendered such a 



i'OREGOING NARRATIVE. 101 

change improbable. I had an increasing fa- 
mily? no private fortune, a narrow, precarious 
income, and no expectations, except from 
such friends, as my conduct might procure, or 
continue to me. I had unexpectedly contract- 
ed an acquaintance with some of those, whose 
favour goes a great way towards a man^s ad- 
vancement in life; nor was I insensible to the 
advantages to be hoped for, from cultivating, 
by a compliant behaviour, their kind and 
friendly regard to me ; at the same time I was 
no stranger to the^ opinion, which the world 
entertains of those who preach these disrepu- 
table doctrines; and could not but conclude, 
that embracing this system of religion was a 
probable way of depriving myself of this 
prospect of preferment. Had I not therefore, 
as the result of my diligent inquiries, been as- 
suredly convinced that it was my indispensa- 
ble duty to embrace, and preach them, and 
that by so doing alone, I could ensure to my- 
self the favour of a better friend, than any 
here below ; I should have been destitute even 
of common sense, to have had any thing to do 
with them. And yet being aware all along, 
how unfavourable, according to hxiinan pro- 
bahility^ it will prove, to my worldly inter- 
ests, at length I have deliberately embraced 
them. 

4. Nor was my regard to my character a 
trifling security agaiqst such a change of -sen- 
timont. I was ambitiously, and excessively 



1Q2 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

fond of that honour, which cometh from man ; 
and considered the desire of praise as allow- 
able, nay laudable. By this motive was I 
urged on to a very diligent prosecution of my 
studies, even beyond what my natural inclina- 
tion led me to ; and my whole conduct was in- 
fluenced by, my whole conversation tinctured 
ivith, this vain-glorious aim. On the other 
hand, with approbation and self-complacency, 
I had been accustomed to hear the most con- 
temptuous and opprobious epithets^ liberally 
added to the names of those persons, to whom 
I have now joined myself; and all along, as I 
verged nearer and nearer to Methodism, I was 
painfully sensible, that I was drawing upon 
myself the same mortifying distinctions. I 
have been a vain-glorious candidate for human 
applause; but I renounce such pretensions, 
and willingly submit to be considered by the 
world, under the mortifying character of a 
silly, half-witted, crack-brained enthusiast. 
These epithets I am sensible, are now bestowed 
upon me, behind my back, and very often to 
my face ; T bless God this doth not move me, 
but I can heartily thank him, that I am count- 
ed worthy to suffer shame for his sake. But 
when I saw this trial approaching, it appeared 
very formidable ; and I can truly affirm, that 
nothing but the fullest conviction, that the 
cause in which I was embarking was the cause 
of God ; nothing, but not daring to act con- 
trary to the plain dictates of my conscience. 



FOREGOING NARRATIVE. lOo 

could have influenced me to make thissacrificB 
of my character, and bring myself under so 
much contempt and scorn. 

tJut 5. To reason with our despisers, upon 
their own principles ; upon supposition that I 
am now fallen into enthusiasm, mistake, and 
strong delusion, 1 certainly was, when I first 
set out in this Inquiry, a very unlikely person 
so to do. My leading resolve was to search 
for the truth diligently, and to embrace it 
wherever I found it, whatever it might cost ; 
no sooner had 1 begun this inquiry, than I was 
called upon to give proof of the sincerity of 
this resolution; and, from a principle of con- 
science, though a mistaken one, I renounced 
my only prospect of preferment; and it would 
be unreasonable to question my sincerity, af- 
ter it had been thus evidenced Since that 
time I have also deliberately sacrificed my 
character, and hazarded the loss of all my for- 
mer friends. Giving these proofs of my inte- 
grity, I set off in dependence on those plain 
promises, which I have mentioned ; I have 
sought for this desired knowledge of the truth 
mainly in reading the Holy Scripsures, and 
by prayer for the promised teaching of the 
Holy Ghost, after that manner which hath 
been related ; and am now led to conclusions 
diametrically opposite, to what I expected. 
Now lay all these things together, and atten- 
lively consider them, and then let your own 
conscience determine how far it is probabl'^. 



104 OBSERVATIONS OS THE 

that a person, in this manner seeking lor the 
truth, should be given over to a strong delu- 
sion to believe a pernicious lie. *' Would any 
o[ you that is a father, if his son asked bread, 
give him a stone, or if he asked a fish, give 
him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know 
how to give good gifts unto your children ; 
how much more shall our heavenly Father 
give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him ?" 
Can any man suppose, that after such repeated 
and continued pleadings of the express pro- 
mises of the Liord to this effect, in earnest 
prayer, according to his appointment, I should 
be likely to be delivered up to the teaching of 
the father of Lies ? can any one make this 
conclusion without insinuating that God hath 
broken his promises, which is shocking to 
think of? In short, you may make a jest of 
these things, you ma}^ throw by the book 
without giving any attention to an argument 
of this kind ; or ycu may say, what you ne- 
ver can prove, that it is all a contrived story; 
or you may argue, that these promises, though 
contained in the Bible, are not to be depended 
on b)^ us; which is to give up the Scriptures 
to be scoffed at by infidels and atheists, and to 
render them useless to the humble, anxious 
inqirirer after truth and salvation ; but by no 
other means, I am assured, can you account 
for this single circumstance, without allowing, 
that the substance of those doctrines, that I 
have now embraced, is indeed contained in the 



FOREGOING NARRATIVE. 105 

word of God ; that they comprise the truth as 
it is in Jesus, and are not corrupted with any 
such delusion, as can hazard the salvation of 
my soul, or the souls of those who by my 
ministry receive them. On this supposition 
all difficulties vanish. The Lord had given 
me a sincere desire to know the saving doc- 
trine of the Gospel ; and tho' I was exceed- 
ingly ignorant, obstinate, and prejudiced; yet 
this desire having, by his providential direc- 
tion, led me to the word of God, and influ- 
enced me to seek his teaching by prayer; God 
was faithful to his own promises, and it was 
an example of his own words; ^^that every 
one that asketh receiveth, and he that seeketh 
findeth.'^ My sincerity in seeking the truth, 
evidenced by the sacrifice I made to my con- 
science, was sufficient to convince any person, 
who is conversant and experienced in the 
things of God, that, as my friend foretold, 
thither would all my inquiries lead me, in 
that would they all finally centre. And could 
I be assured, beloved reader, 'whoever thou 
art, that thou wast as sincerely desirous to 
know the truth, as I then was, and as heartily 
resolved to embrace it wiierever thou didst 
find it, and whatever it should cost thee; had 
I also assurance, that in a believing depen- 
dence on these promises, thou wast diligently, 
and from day to day, in the study of the word 
of God and prayer, seeking the accomplish- 
ment thereof unto thy soul ; I would as confi 



106 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

dently foretell that, as to those things, whicli 
I now regard as essential to salvation, and, if 
thou hast the souls of others committed to 
thee, as to what is needful for thy usefulness 
in the ministry, thou wouldst be brought in 
time to the same conclusions, whatever thy 
present religious sentiments may be. — May 
the Lord give thee true sincerity, and incline 
thine heart to try the experiment! 

I am aware, that many will object to what 
I have urged under this head, as being too 
confident; and as urged by men of contrary 
religious sentiments, each in behalf of his own 
system ; and as I would neither wish by vain 
controversy to be detained from more profita- 
ble employments, nor yet to leave any mate-r 
rial, and plausible objection in force against 
what 1 have asserted ; I hope the reader will 
excuse my obviating this beforehand. In 
answer therefore to those, who may deem me 
too confident in this argument, I would only 
intreat them impartially and carefully to con- 
sider the limitations, with which on every 
hand it is guarded ; and then to inquire, 
whether in any other way, than that which 
hath been mentioned, he can account for this 
circumstance: that is, supposing this narrative 
true, for which the appeal is to the heart- 
searching God; and supposing the promises 
mentioned, to be proposed to us, that we might 
embrace, depend on, and plead them in pray- 
er ; considering the glory of the divine vera,- 



FOREGtblNG "N^ARRATIVE. l07 

City as concerned in their accomplishment to 
every believer, and then try, whether you 
possibly can evade one of the following con- 
clusionis. 1. Either God hath failed of his 
promise, Or, 2 God hath in the main, and as 
far as is expressed, led the author by his Holy 
Spirit to the knowledge and belief of the 
truth. To the second argument, taken from 
experience, I answer, 1. That it is not fact ; 
many pretenders to sincerity, and candour will 
without hesitation, condemn as eilthusiastical, 
such a reliance on, arid confidence in these 
promises, and this way of searching for truth; 
and it is plain they do not seek truth in that 
manner, which they condemn in others. Many 
others, perhaps, slightly mention these mat- 
ters, but they will not endure to be closely 
questioned ; they are conscious that they have 
not sought the truth in this manner, and there- 
fore they evade such discourse as personaL 
2. I answer, that the writings of many pre- 
tended inquirers after truth, evidently show, 
that they expect to find it, not by trusting the 
Lord with all their heart, asking wisdom of 
him, or seeking in the word of God and by 
prayer^ to be taught of hnii ; but by leaning" 
to their own understanding, by resting the ar- 
gument on philosophical reasonings, by back- 
ing it with the authority of this, or that re- 
nowned name, and supporting their conclu- 
sions by bold, and perplexing criticisms, and 
interpretations of Scripture. Hence so manv 



lOS OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

daring appeals from revelatiorij to reason and 
philosophy ; hence such, and so many objec- 
tions brought against doctrines plainly reveal- 
ed in God's word: (if language hath any de- 
terminate meaning;) and so many conse- 
quences charged upon these doctrines with a 
design to invalidate their divine authority ; as 
if being made by every art of ingenuity, to 
have the show of unreasonableness, was suffi- 
cient to prove the plainest revelation of God's 
holy spirit a falsehood : hence such liberty, in 
interpretation and criticism, taken with the 
word of God, as the learned would never en- 
dure in interpreting or criticising upon Ho- 
race or Virgil. These things prove, that such 
persons are strangers to that earnest, hearty, 
sincere desire to know the truth, which brings 
the inquirer to an humble willingness to be 
taught of God, and in submission of under- 
standing to seek wisdom from his word and 
Spirit. And 3. It is evident, that many pre- 
tenders to this sincere desire to know the 
truth, are not troubled with suspicions that 
they are, or can be wrong. They have made 
up their minds before they begin their inqui- 
ries ; and therefore you will not find them 
willing to make the least concession, but, in 
the management of the controversy, resolved 
to vindicate, and contend for every tittle, 
wading through thick and thin, (as it is said,) 
to make good their cause ; and where argu- 
ments fail, to make use of the- other arts of 



1?0REG0ING NARRATIVE. 109 

controversy, with which skill in the manage- 
ment of their weapons, and anger against their 
opponents, can supply them. Where a cause 
is maintained in this manner, you may easily 
understand, that there is none of that earnest 
desire of learning the truth, and that anxious 
fear of mistaking it, or of that distrust of self, 
and those doubts concerning our present 
knowledge and belief, which constitute that 
sincerity, that leads the inquirer to the word 
and Spirit of God for direction and teaching. 
Lay these things together, and they will, on 
scriptural grounds, cut off many confident pre- 
tenders to sincerity from their claims as en- 
tirely as they exclude Annas and Caiaphas, 
and the chief Priests, Scribes, and Pharisees, 
from being sincere inquirers into the truth of 
the Old Testament; when in support of their 
own authority and reputation, and influenced 
by pride, and anger, they, under colour of 
their law, put to death him, of whom Moses 
and the Prophets did write, even Jesus of Na- 
zareth, the Son of God. And as to men of 
another spirit, who appear sincere, humble, 
and willing to be taught of God, in their in- 
quiry after truth ; but do not entirely agree 
with w^hat has been laid down as my view of 
the truth. I would only wish them to observe 
" the distinction established between some and 
others of these doctrines. Such persons do 
not, I dare say, materially differ from that, 
which has been mentioned as necessary to sal- 
K 



110 0BSERVAT10^^ ON TtiE 

vation ; and therefore, as I allow that thev 
may have been in the main taught of God ; su 
I only require the same allowance ; and that 
it may be supposed that the same God, who 
according; to his promise hath led both, as far 
as is needful to salv^ation, in the same way, has 
in other things left us to differ, for the mutual 
exercise of candour and forbearance, till that 
time when we shall know even as we are 
known. 

Lay these things impartially together, con- 
sider my former sentiments on religious sub- 
jects; my self-suiiiciency and positiveness in 
my opinions ; my worldly interest and charac- 
ter both to appearance at stake ; my sincerity 
in my religious inquiries thus evidenced ; and 
then, suppose my present sentiments to be en- 
thusiasm, and pernicious delusion, and will it 
not be evident to your own consciences, that 
I was a most unlikely person to fall into them? 

11. In the second place I would observe, 
that thi^ change in my sentiments was very 
gradual. 

When any person suddenly changes his re- 
ligious opinions for others very different from 
them, it is no inconsiderable evidence of a 
changeable, and fickle disposition ; it gives 
cause to suspect that he was not well establish- 
ed in his former sentiments; that he had taken 
them upon trust, and was a stranger to the ar- 
guments wherewith they might be defended, 
and to the objections, which might be urged 



lOr.EGOIXG :iAIlRATIVE, 111 

against 111 cm. If worldly interest, repiitation, 
or convenicncy seem to favoui- the chai)gc, 
tiiere is room for a. presumption, that these 
liad an undue influence upon him ; if not, it 
may be insinuated, that he was deluded uith 
specious appearances, that he did not allow 
himself time to wei;rh the arguments pro and 
con ; that he had only changed one set of no- 
tions for another, without having duly consi- 
dered either side. Such objections may rea- 
sonably be made, and the consequences of such 
precipitate changes too often justify them. 
But though 1 was always, and still am, of an 
headlong, impetuous spirit in other things; 
and when once I have purposed, can have no 
rest from incessant agitation of mind, till I 
have accomplished ; yet in this particular I 
acted contrary to my natural temper, indeed, 
at first, I did in some instances too much be- 
tray my impetuosity ; but at that time 1 acted 
not in the character of an inquirer, but in full 
confidence that it was pleading the cause of 
truth, and had no more thought of becoming 
what the world calls a Methodist, Uian of 
turning Mahometan : and after that first hurry 
w^as over, though commonly in earnest, and 
sometimes in considerable perturbation of 
mind, I was outwardly calm and satisfied; be- 
ing generally enabled to believe, that if I were 
in any thing at present mistaken, I should 
some time be guided to the truth. My deter- 
mination to set about this inquiry proceeded 



112 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

not SO much from anxious fears about my own 
soul, as from a deep sense impressed upon my 
heart, of the importance of ministry, and the 
worth of the souls committed to my charge, 
and of the awful account to be given of them : 
and as I all along bestow^ed some pains in in- 
structing them in what I believed to be the 
truth; I was preserved thereby from any dis- 
composing fears, or undue disquietude of 
mind. I sat down very coolly to search for 
the truth, I proceeded very gradually, and 
with extreme caution ; I took up no one 
opinion upon trust; I gave up none of my 
sentiments, until the arguments, wherewith 
I had learned to defend them, w^ere convinc- 
ingly answered ; nor did I admit any new ar- 
ticles into my creed, till either every objec- 
tion was obviated, or I was pressed on the 
other hand with others, still more unanswera- 
ble. Much, very much, prayer and medita- 
tion preceded every change of sentiment ; and 
I was near three years from the beginning of 
my inquiry, before I came to a determination, 
what was the truth. So long deliberately, and 
step by step, 1 examined the premises, before 
I finally proceeded to draw my conclusion. I 
perceive much cause to be ashamed of my un- 
teachable temper; for with such opportunities 
as were afforded me, if I had improved them, 
I might have been led to the knowledge and 
belief of the same truths, in much less time. 
But the Lord, I trust, led me in this way, and 



FOREGOING NARRATIVE. 113 

left me thus far to my own natural pride of 
heart ; that it might more evidently appear, 
that I received not my doctrines from man, 
but that indeed, in the first instance, I learned 
them from the word and Spirit of God, 

III. Thirdly, I would observe that as I 
changed my religious views deliberately, so, 
I did it without any teaching from the per- 
sons, to whose sentiments I have now acceded. 
For a considerable time after the commence- 
ment of my inquiries, I would not so much as 
read what they had to urge in their own behalf. 
1 entered indeed into a correspondence with 

Mr. ; but my intention was not to learif 

from him, but to dispute with him, w^hich, 
when he waived, I dropt the correspondence, 
and utterly neglected his letters, as not consi- 
dering them worth a re-perusal. From that I 
avoided his company, and all the time I would 
not hear him preach. I would not be under- 
stood to insinuate, that Mr. hath not been 

useful to me: he hath been, and continues to 
be, eminently so ; and I continually see great 
cause to bless God for giving me such a friend, 
to be so near at hand on all occasions. But 
this I assuredly believe, that had I never seen 
him after the time that his example had put me 
upon considering my conduct, 1 should have 
arrived at the same views of gospel truth 
which I now have. His usefulness to me, hath 
all along been in those matters, wherein we 
were in some measure agreed, not in tliose 
K2 



114 OBSERVATIONS ON THii- 

wherein we differed ; for in these my proud 
heart scorned to have him for a teacher. 

At the same time, though I had the offer of 
several books written by Dissenters and Me- 
thodists, I declined them ; and did not for near 
two years, peruse any of them with sufficient 
attention, to recollect any thing of consequence 
in them. I say not this, as slighting these 
books : justice requires me to acknowledge, 
that many of them which then I ignorantly 
despised, contain as solid and judicious, and 
excellent divinity, as hath been penned since 
the apostles' days. But I did not get my sys- 
tem from them, for that was nearly completed, 
before I was prevailed upon to read them. My 
studies, besides the Bible, were mainly con- 
fined to authors of allowed reputation in the 
church of England, several of which I have 
mentioned. Wherein they differed from each 
other, (as certainly Tillotson and Hooker; 
Jortin and Beveridge; Bull and Hall, do differ 
very much indeed ;) — 1 endeavoured to judge 
for myself, comparing all of them with the 
word of God, and with the articles, homilies, 
and liturgy of the church of England : and 
from such authors thus compared, as far as the 
writings of uninspired men have been instru- 
mental to this change, 1 have received the 
greatest part of my present opinions. 

But let it be observed, that the further these 
streams are traced upward, towards the foun- 
tain of the blessed reformation, the purer they 



FOREaOING NARRATIVE. 115 

ilow, according to my present judgment: and 
I have no doubt, but I could, were I to go 
about it, with proper helps, prove undeniably, 
that there is nothing material preached by me, 
under the scandal of Methodistical, which 
was not preached by those excellent persons, 
who, having laid the foundation of our church 
establishment, gave their bodies to be burned, 
in confirmation of the truths they taught. It 
is much to be wished, that their lives and dis- 
courses, living and dying, and their remaining 
writings, were more generally known amongst 
us, and did not remain locked up from the 
w^orld in large folios, in the learned languages, 
or in books out of print, or exceeding scarce: 
the effect of which is, that the members of 
our national church are in general utterly ig- 
norant of its standard doctrines, and ignorantly 
brand those as Methodists and Enthusiasts, 
who preach zealously the very doctrines of 
the first Reformers. 

IV. In the 4th place 1 would observe the 
great influence, which the study of the Scrip- 
tures had in producing this change. 

We are too apt, without careful exatnination, 
to take things for granted ; and to collect our 
scheme of divinity from other authors, and 
only to fetch a few detached texts from the 
Scripture, which appear to countenance our 
preconceived opinions ; neglecting, or very 
slightly considering such parts of the word of 
God, as seem incapable of being made use qf 



116 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

to our purpose : we are too prone in availing 
ourselves of the labours of critics and exposi- 
tors, to resign up ourselves implicitly to their 
guidance, and to imagine that we have proof 
enough of our doctrines, if we can produce 
the sanction of some great name, which hath 
espoused and maintained them ; without care- 
fully examining whether they be right or 
wrong : but this is to pay thgit deference to the 
human interpretation, which is only due to the 
divine book commented upon. We ministers 
especially, though at ordination we solemnly 
promise to turn all our studies, as much as 
may be, into this channel, are very apt to suf- 
fer our time and thoughts to be engrossed with 
^uch studies and employments, as are foreign 
tliereto, interfere therewith, and leave at most 
but a secondary attention for the study of the 
word of God. Hence it comes to pass, that 
frequently we do not bestow so much pains in 
meditating upon the Bible, and in comparing 
spiritual things with spiritual, one Scripture 
with another, with what we experience in our 
own hearts, and what we hear and see in the 
world around us, as we do about matters of far 
less consequence. So that probably should we 
at any time sit down to a diligent examination 
of the whole word of God, we should find it a 
very different book from what we expected : 
thus at least it hath been with me, and possi- 
bl}'- it may be so with others. 

The word of God informs us, that true wis- 
dom* the saving, practical, and experimental 



VOREGOINa NARRATIVE. 117 

knowledge of divine things, is not to be ac- 
quired without earnest and diligent seeking, 
(Prov. ii. 1, 6. ) '' My son, if thou wilt receive 
'•my words, and hide my commandments with 
"thee; so that thou incline thine ear unto 
'^ wisdom, and apply thine heart to understand- 
^'ing: yea, if thou criost after knowledge, 
^^and lifteth up thy voice for understanding; 
" if thou seekest her as silver, and searchest 
^^for her, as for hid treasures: then shalt thou 
'' understand the fear of the Lord, and find the 
^^ knowledge of God.'^ If then our wisdom 
has been acquired without any of that eager 
desire after, and painful diligence in seeking 
it, with which the covetous man desires, and 
seeks for his riches : it is a shrewd conjecture, 
that it is not of the genuine sort. Once I had 
in my own esteem a sort of wisdom, which 
seemed to offer itself to me spontaneously, and 
to be found with little seeking. But now I am 
persuaded it was but a counterfeit; a fair- 
seeming pernicious foolishness. 

But that, which I now esteem to be true 
wisdom, if I could but attain unto it, is not to 
be acquired in so easy a manner. When 1 
first began to desire and seek after this wis- 
dom, I set out with the assurance, that it was 
to be found in the holy Scriptures, and no 
where else, these alone being able to make us 
wise unto salvation. I therefre considered 
m5^self engaged to make them my study: and as 
the whole was given by inspiration from God, 



lis OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

and was all declared to be profitable for some 
purpose or other, according to the various ends 
for which the Holy Spirit designed therein ; 
so I made the whole my study without pick- 
insc and choosins;. Thus I learned to look 
Vtpon the Bible as my book of instructions, 
i^^iven me along with my ministerial trust by 
my Lord and Master ; that from thence I was 
to draw all my doctrines, instructions, and ad- 
monitions, warnings, examples, rules of duty, 
jHOtives to duty, and encouragement therein : 
nnd I also considered it to be the believer's 
r-.liarter of privileges, containing exceeding 
r^reat and precious promises, and the whole of 
that which God saw fit to reveal, concerning 
those unspeakable and inconceivable good 
things, which he hatli of his infinite mercy 
prepared for them that love him. In order, 
therefore, faithfully to declare my message 
from the Lord Almighty to the souls of men, I 
found it indispensably needful to be well ac- 
quainted with every part, and to take the word 
cif God myself, as well as propose it to others, 
as the lantern of my feet, and the light of my 
])aths. And not only to attend to the letter, 
f>ut also to the true meaning of the Spirit of 
God therein. This I found to be a work that 
required much time, great diligence, mature 
consideration, and an unbiassed, unprejudiced 
minri. 

With this view of the matter partly obtained 
and continually more and more unfolding it- 



L'OREGOING NARRATIVE. 119 

soil to my mind, I studied the word of God, 
and have now for near four years employed a 
very considerable part of my time therein^ 
neither rejecting, nor greatly depending upon 
the assistance of interpreters. I all along sin- 
cerely desired to know the truth, and for that 
end read the Scriptures, not as the word of 
man, but as the word of God. And though 
there have been seasons of remissness, when 
other employments and studies too much in- 
terfered with this main business; and though 
at llrst I was very far from an unbiassed mind; 
being blindly and obstinately prejudiced 
against those doctrines, which I now believe 
to be the true gospel of Jesus Christ; yet 
within that space 1 have read the Bible seve- 
lal times over^ in every part, with the strict- 
est attention I was capable of. There are very 
few passages which relate to doctrine, that 1 
have not repeatedly and diligently examined, 
comparing one with another, with all the care 
and consideration I could ; and I seldom ever 
ceased meditating on any portion of Scripture, 
until I had attained to some satisfying conclu- 
sion concerning its true meaning, and agree- 
ment with other Scriptures. I may truly say 
J have filled reams of paper with religious dis- 
cussions, with sermons, expositions and letters, 
in all which 1 ransacked the Bible, to bring as 
much scripture evidence for my direction as 
])ossible. For these last two years I have 
scarce opened a book except upon religious 



120 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

subjects, and from morning till night, nearly 
every day, all this while, my thoughts inces- 
santly have been employed in meditation upon 
the great truths of the gospel. Every diffi- 
culty and objection, (and difficulties and ob- 
jections both from my own meditations, and in 
the course of my reading, continually crowded 
upon my mind ;) sent me to the word of God, 
and increased my care and attention in exa- 
mining and weighing every text of Scripture, 
respecting the point in question, before I ex- 
changed my old opinion for a new one. 

Thus I may truly say, I have sought in the 
word of God, (that field in which alone this 
precious treasure lies hid ;) for wisdom, for the 
saving knowledge of divine things, as for sil- 
ver, and searched for her, as for hidden trea- 
sures. And though I am sensible, compared 
with many, with whom I have personal ac- 
quaintance, and still more, whose works I 
read, my knowledge of the Scriptures is su- 
perficial, the knowledge of a child, of a mere 
novice in the school of Christ; yet, I trust 
that, as far as relates to the leading truths of 
the gospel, according to the promise, I am 
brought to understand the fear of the Lord, 
and have found the knowledge of God. And 
permit me, beloved reader, to put thee in re- 
membrance, that until thou hast with some 
good measure of this diligence, studied the 
Avhole word of God, thou runnest very great 
hazards in passing judgment upon the men 



FOREGOING NARRATIVi:. l2i 

and doctrines; be cautions in what thou doest; 
let these men quite alone, until thou hast imi- 
tated the conduct of the noble Bereans ; and 
hast thoroughly, and with unbiassed mind, 
examined and meditated upon the whole word 
of God, to see whether the things they believe, 
and teach, be so or no. Lest otherwise it 
should come to pass, (as probably it will,) that 
in opposing and condemning them, thou 
shouldst be found to fight against God. And 
0! that the Lord would hear and grant my 
request, and by his Holy Spirit powerfully 
incline the hearts of all who read these sheets, 
according to their leisure, station in life, obli- 
gations, and opportunities, thus attentively to 
read their Bibles ; not as the word of man, 
but as the word of God himself, speaking from 
lieaven, and unto them, and concerning the 
everlasting interest of their precious, and im- 
mortal souls. Be the adviser w^hat he will, 
despised, and deserving to be despised for a 
Methodist, the advice is undoubtedly good : 
advice I shall have no occasion to repent hav- 
ing thus given you, at the solemn hour of 
death and the awful day of judgment; advice 
which, at those approaching seasons, none of 
you will repent having followed ; though it 
should divert you from more amusing, and at 
this day more reputable studies, or engross 
that time, that you have been accustomed to 
devote to more pleasurable and fashionable* 
employments; but which neglected will be-aa 
L 



122 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

additional sting in every conscience, through 
all the countless ages of eternity. 

And 0! that they to whom the chief shep- 
herd hath committed the care of precious souls, 
and at whose hands he will assuredly require 
every one that perisiies through their default, 
would take in good part this expression of the 
very affectionate desire of my soul both in be- 
half of them, and their flocks, in dropping 
these hints concerning their peculiar obliga- 
tions, to devote much of their time to the at- 
tentive, unbiassed study the word of God, that 
infinitely best, but often least studied of all 
books. What avails it, that the ministers of 
the everlasting gospel should be learned clas- 
sics, profound philosophers, metaphysicians, 
and mathematicians, expert logicians, or adorn- 
ed with the knowledge of the politer sciences; 
if they are unacquainted or but superficially 
acquainted with the sacred Scriptures ? 
These other branches of literature may amuse 
and entertain them, may procure them prefer- 
ment, reputation, respect, and favour^ bat it is 
the knowledge of the Bible, which alone can 
enable them in such a manner to attend to 
themselves, and to their doctrine, as shall issue 
in the everlasting salvation of their own souls, 
and the souls committed to their care. Far be 
it from me to presume to lay down my opi- 
nions as the standard of doctrine, or a rule for 
the faith, and preaching of my brethren in this 
sacred ministry. But the more obscure I am,^ 
the less objection there can reasonably be 



l^OREGOING NARRATIVE. 123 

against my just hinting to them; that if any 
one should find this subject jnanifest itself to 
his conscience, and make him sensible, that 
verily he hath been faulty in this matter, and 
hath been attending to other employments, 
and studying other books more than the word 
of God ; then possibly he may be mistaken in 
his sentiments concerning the doctrine of the 
gospel, and being mistaken himself, may be 
misleading others, to the endangering of their 
immortal souls ; for he cannot be certain, but 
that, should he employ some years in this sin- 
gle study, (which its importance well de- 
serves,) he may find the Bible a very difierent 
book, than he expected. 

V. I would observe the influence which 
prayer appears to have had in effecting this 
change. 

I am aware that the world, though called 
Christian, is come to such a pass, that the very 
mention of this subject in many companies is 
accounted ill manners, or even received with 
ridicule; and that being known to live a life of 
prayer and commaoion with God, is alone 
sufficient to denominate any person a Metho-* 
dist. However, it i» scarce needful to say, 
Iiow full the word of God is of precepts, in- 
struction, exhortations, invitations, promises 
and examples to this efiect; he never read his 
Bible, who knows not this; nor can any man, 
under any pretence, make a jest of this great 
duty and privilege of a believer;, without pour- 



124 OBSERVATIOJJ^S ON THB 

ing contempt upon the holy Scriptures, and 
insulting the brightest characters therein pro- 
posed to us as examples, not excepting the 
Lord Jesus himself. Let men therefore under 
the profession of Christianity, be as irreligious 
and profane as they please ; I shall not be 
ashamed to speak upon so unfashionable a 
topic; for if the word of God be true, he 
never knew any thing as he ought to know, 
never believed, never repented, never perform- 
ed one duty aright in his life, who hath not 
sought all his wis-dom, knowledge, faith, re- 
pentance, and sufficiency for obedience, from 
God, by fervent, instant, and persevering 
prayer. Time was, even since I had aouls 
committed to my care, that I lived in the ne- 
glect of this duty, and so" without God in the 
world ; but since, through his forbearance and 
mercy, I have been in earnest about the salva- 
tion of my own soul and their's, I have not 
been left to do so. However, it is not my 
intent to speak any further on this subject, 
than relates to the matter on hand. 

The word of God promises the Holy Spirit 
Jio them that ask him; he is the Spirit of truth 
leads into all truth, teaches all things, and 
searches and reveals the deep things of God. 
The leading promise to the church is, (Isaiah 
liv. 13.) ^'^That all her children shall be 
taught of the Lord.'^ (John vi. 44, 45.) Re- 
ferring thereto, Christ hath declared, that none 
ran come unto him, except he be drawn of th^ 



•l'L5REG0ING NARRATIVE. 125 

Father, and taught of God. And St. Paul adds, 
(1 Cor. ii. 14.) ^^But the natural man receiv- 
eth not the things of the Spirit of God, for 
they are foolishness to him, neither can he 
know them; because they are spiritually dis- 
cerned." The natural man is explained in 
Jude, by not having the spirit, which is evi- 
dently the Apostle's meaning in this passage; 
for in the preceding verse he declares, that he 
preached the gospel, not " in words, which 
man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy 
Ghost teacheth, comparing spiritual things 
with spiritual.'^ On these grounds I concluded 
that man's natural understanding could not 
spiritually, or profitably receive the knowledge 
of revealed mysteries, unless it be enlightened 
by the Holy Spirit. I learned also, that our 
eyes may be blinded by Satan, the god and 
Prince of this world , and our understandings 
closed, and a veil upon our hearts, when we 
read the word of God, in which case the letter 
of the Scriptures, without the Spirit, only kil- 
loth. Hence the need of bur understandings 
being opened, to understand the Scriptures ; 
(for Avant of v-/hich the plainest discourses of 
our Lord, to his Disciples concerning his suf- 
ferings, death, and resurrection, were hid from 
\ them and they understood them not;) and of 
\ the veil being taken from our hearts ; for want 
^ of which the Jews in reading the Old Testa- 
ment cannot understand the plainest declara- 
^ions of Moses, and the Pjophets, concerning 



126 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

their promised Saviour. I was taught also that 
true wisdom was the gift of God, and to be 
asked of him, by every one, who would be 
wise unto salvation ; that " the secret of the 
Lord is with them that fear him ; and that 
those whoT receive not the love of the truth, 
that they might be saved, are given over to a 
strong delusion to believe a lie; that they 
might all be damned, who believed not the 
truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.^^ 
(2 Thes. V. 10. 12.) 

On these grounds, and depending upon the 
promise, and invitations so plentifully inter- 
spersed through the Scriptures; when I began 
to inquire after the truth, I began also to cry 
unto the Lord for his guidance therein ; and as 
my mind became more and more engaged, and 
my difficulties, in extricating myself from the 
labyrinths of controversy increased, I became 
more and more earnest, and constant, and par- 
ticular in making my request known unto God.. 
My constant prayer to the Lord was, to be de- 
livered from pride, and prejudice, blindness of 
heart, contempt of the truth, obstinacy, enthu- 
siasm, ignorance, and error. That the Lord 
would give me wisdom and knowledge, guide 
me to the truth as it is in Jesus, open my un- 
derstanding, take away the veil from my 
heart, and make known unto me the way of 
salvation, which is revealed to sinners in his 
holy word. Thus waiting upon the Lord, 
according to his own appointment, depending 



FOREGOING NARRATIVE. 127 

tfpon, and pleading his promises from day to 
day, I was led from one thing to another, until 
my view of religious truth was totally changed. 
This I most firmly believe to have been by the 
promised teaching of the Spirit of truth, pow- 
erfully enlightening my mind, opening the 
Scriptures, and, by dispelling the clouds of 
error, and prejudices, enabling me to receive 
the truth therein contained. 

But though I am not ashamed of declaring 
my desire of living a life of prayer, and com- 
munion with God ; yet I have no intention in 
speaking thus publicly on such a subject, but 
to advance his glory, and forward the salvation 
of souls. As in his presence I declare, that I 
have prayed over many of the most interest- 
ing passages of Scriptures, chapter by chapter, 
and often verse by verse, witli the most anx- 
ious apprehensions of rejecting, or mistaking 
the truth, or embracing a falsehood ; and with 
the most earnest desire of knowing w^hat that 
doctrine was, which Jesus and his apostles 
tatight. In the sight of God I am sensible I 
have abundant cause to be humbled, and 
ashamed of my frequent remissness in, and the 
continual defilements of my prayers ; but as 
surely as I believe his promise to be faithful, 
as surely I believe him to be a God that heai* 
eth prayers; so surely do I believe that flesli 
and blood hath not uevealed to me the doc- 
trnies I nov/ preach, but God himsQif by hi*^ 
Holy Spirit 



128 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

Reader, whoever thou art, if thy conscience 
testily, that thou hast hitherto lived in the ne- 
glect of this important duty, or in the formal, 
lifeless, and unmeaning performance of it with 
thy lips, whilst thy heart hath been disengag- 
ed and thy thoughts allowedly Wandering to 
the ends of the earth ; if thou hast not been 
accustomed by fervent prayer to seek wisdom 
from God by his teaching Spirit; if thou 
knowest not what it is to exercise faith upon 
the promises pointed out to thee, nor to plead 
them in prayer to a promise-keeping God ; if 
all thy knowledge of divine things hath been 
acquired by leaning to thine own understand- 
ing; if in reading the Scriptures thou hast 
looked more to learned critics, commenta- 
tors, and expositors, than to the illuminating 
Spirit of God sought in humble prayer, to 
open the understanding, to take the veil from 
thine heart, and give thee that wisdom, whicli 
is from above; then be as sure as the w^ord of 
God is true, and we are concerned in it, that 
thou art in the wrong, the light that is in thee 
is darkness, and thou knoweth nothing yet as 
thou oughtest to know. May the Lord effec- 
tually incline thine heart to take a contrary 
course, and to seek wisdom, where alone it 
can be found, from the Lord, the Father of 
Lights, and the giver of every good and per- 
fect gift, who hath invited thee to ask, that it 
may be given thee! 

VL I would observe, that there is nothing 



POREGOES-G KAJIRATIVE. 129 

in this Narrative, which can reasonably be 
condemned as enthusiasm. 

It is allowed that there is such a thing as 
enthusiasm; that it is a frequent attendant on 
religious zeal; that in some of its operations it 
is a grievous evil, (I speak of the faulty enthu- 
siasm;) in all, attended with many inconveni- 
epcies; and that it ought very carefully to be 
guarded against by every religious professor, 
and zealous preacher. It would also be in 
vain to pretend that the late revivals of reli- 
gion, which indiscriminately have been stig- 
matized with the name of Methodism, have 
been, in opinion and practice, entirely free 
from enthusiasm. What revivals of religion 
ever were free from such scandals .^^ Where 
the Lord sows his good seed, there the enemy 
will be sure to scatter his tares. It must be 
confessed, that some of the most eminent in- 
struments in this work, whose names, when 
prejudice shall vanish, will be handed down 
with honour, as burning and shining lights to 
the latest periods of the church, have by the 
greatness of their zeal, through human frailty, 
been betrayed into sentiments, expressions, 
and deportment, in some instances justly to be 
censured as enthusiastical ; of which their 
enemies have not failed sufficiently to avail 
themselves. But whatever indiscretions and 
mistakes particular persons, who h'ave preach- 
ed these doctrines may have fallen into, this 
doth not. in the judgment of candid and im- 



130 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

partial persons, in the least affect the general 
cause, or prove the doctrines erroneous. We 
would not contend for the credit of individu- 
als, or the interests of a party: but for the 
doctrines of God's word, and of the established 
church of England. These will continue true 
and important, though many of those who have 
zealously and successfully preached them* 
should have justly incurred the charge of en- 
thusiasm. All that I would intimate is this; 
that a man may be led to the belief of those 
doctrines, which are branded as Methodisti- 
cal, in a way of sober, rational inquiry ; and 
zealously preach them without being an enthu- 
siast. 

It would be very well if some of those, who 
so readily accuse whole bodies of apparently 
reli2:ious persons of enthusiasm, would favour 
us with their determinate definition of an en- 
thusiast. In its original meaning the word 
has a very favourable sense, and implies that 
by a dwine influence upon the soul, a man is 
filled with an ardour and warmth of zeal in 
the cause he is engaged in. Now it is good 
to be zealously affected always in a good 
thins;, and if our ardour of soul be from the 
Spirit of God, according to the revealed will 
of God, and for the glory of God, it is tlie no- 
blest, most desh^able", most heavenly, and most 
beneficial exertion of the human mind. In 
every thing but religion, an ardour, described 
bv the term enthusiasm, is allowed and com.^ 



FOREGOING NARRATIVE. 131 

mended: a poetical, a military, a patriotic en- 
thusiasm, even when they carry men beyond 
the strict bounds of cold reasonings* and exact 
prudence, fail not to meet with admirers. Our 
zeal may be fervent in every thing without 
censure, save when we are zealous for the 
glory of God, and the salvation of immortal 
souls. But there is an enthusiasm of this sort, 
which forms the highest elevation, and the no- 
blest effort of the human soul. Such an en- 
thusiasm animated the apostle Paul, in all his 
self-denying labours and sufferings, and filled, 
(under the guidance of the Holy Ghost,) his 
writings, with such ardent zeal for the honour 
of his dear Saviour, and affection for the souls 
of men; such an enthusiasm, he expresses, 
when he says, (2 Cor. v. 13, 14.) "Whether 
we be beside ourselves, it is to God, or 
whether we be sober, it is for your cause ; for 
the love of Christ constraineth us.^^ Of such 
an enthusiasm as this I wish I were far more 
guilty. But on the other hand there is dan- 
ger of a counterfeit, pernicious enthusiasm^ 
and about that we are now inquiring Now 
I apprehend, that in order to constitute this 
culpable enthusiasm, some one or more of the 
following things must appear; either the ar- 
dour of the soul, which is excited, must pro- 
ceed from a heated imagination, or from a de- 
lusion of Satan, instead of being, produced by 
a divine influence ; or the cause, in which this 
-ai'dour is employed, must be the cause of self 



132 OBSERVATIONS 0^ THE 

and error, instead of the cause of God and 
truth ; or it must exert itself in unjustifiable 
measures smd practices. But if our ardour of 
mind be warranted by the word of God, if it 
do not tend to the dishonour of God ; and if it 
be confined in its exercise to the rules and 
precepts of the word of God, how intense so- 
ever it may be, I can see no cause to censure 
it ; unless men can be too zealous for the glory 
of God, and the salvation of souls. 

But whatever be the distinguishing^ criterioit 
of enthusiasm, I suppose it will be difficult to 
fix a charge of it upon any thing, for which I 
plead in this Narrative. I never was taught 
any thing by impulses, impressions, visions, 
dreams, or revelations; except so far as the 
work of the Spirit, in enlightening the under- 
standing for the reception of those truths con- 
tained in the Holy Scriptures, is sometimes- 
styled revelation. Other revelation I never 
expected or experienced, nor ever taught 
others to expect. INot but that the Lord is 
sovereign, and may do what he will with his 
own ; and, if he pleases may, and I suppose 
sometimes does, go out of the ordinary course, 
for tne conversion of a sinner, or the guidance 
of a perplexed, or the comfort of a distressed 
soul ; but I nev^r took one step in dependence 
on any such extraordinary interpositions, nor 
encouraged any person to do so. And surel)^ 
it will not be called enthusiasm, by any but 
avow^ed infidels, to believe God^s w^ord to be 



FOREGOINa NARRATIVE. 133 

ihe rule of truths and his promises to be faith- 
ful, and in this belief to seek for the know- 
ledge of the doctrines of the gospel, in the 
manner related. In this way I have been 
taught no new truths, but as I believe, have 
been shown the meaning, use, tendency, con- 
sistency, harmony, wisdom, and glory of those 
truths whi(^h are contained in the sacred vo- 
lume, but which before, through pride and ig- 
norance, I perverted, neglected, reviled, and 
counted foolishness. Nor do I make any pre- 
tences to infallibility ; God hath not, I trust, 
left me so unstable, as to float about in the un- 
certain stream of opinion, and to be tossed to 
and fro with every wind of doctrine by the 
sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, where- 
by they lay in wait to deceive. As to the 
grand doctrines of the gospel, which I have 
endeavoured to mark out as necessary to sal- 
vation, they are neither so uncertain, nor so 
difficult, as men would persuade us; their un- 
certainty and difficulty arise wholly from our 
pride, prejudice, love of sin, and inattentive 
ignorance of our own hearts. There is really 
much difficulty in bringing vain man to cease 
from leaning to his own understanding ; and in 
prevailing with him to trust in the Lord with 
all his heart, and to be willing, in the humble 
posture of a little child, to be taught of God. 
Nothing but a deep conviction of guilt, a fear 
of wrath, and a sense of our lost condition by 
nature and practice, can bring our minds unto 
M 



134 OBSERVATIONS ON THR 

this submissive frame; but this being effected, 
the difficulty is over, and the way of salvation 
is so plain, that the way-faring men, though 
fools, shall not err therein. As to the other 
doctrines, which I believe myself, though they 
seem plain enough to me, I desire not to pro- 
selyte others to them, but am willing to leave 
them as matters, in which fallible men may 
differ without danger. And as to my suffi- 
ciency for the faithful discharge of my minis- 
try to God's glory, and the salvation of souls, 
he will not, I trust, deceive my expectations, 
which are grounded on his promises ; for the 
rest I mistake daily, and find myself in conti- 
nual danger of mixing my own imaginations 
w^ith his divine truths, and following my own 
spirit instead of his. Whatever I preach truly, 
or do wisely, to God be the glory, for I am 
not sufficient of myself to think a good 
thought ; whatever I speak falsely, or do fool- 
ishly, to me be the shame, for it is the natural 
fruit of my own deceitful heart. If this be 
enthusiasm, it is an enthusiasm warranted not 
only by the word of God, as I have endeavour- 
ed to prove, but by the whole liturgy of our 
church. We all at ordination profess to be 
moved by the Holy Ghost, to take the minis-^- 
terial office upon us, and assuredly we cannot 
be moved by the Holy Ghost, if we have not 
the Holy Ghost, nor may expect his help 
and guidance. We agree to pray, that the 
Lord would lead into the wav of truth all 



FOREGOING NARRATIVE. 135 

such as have erred and are deceived ; that he 
would illuminate all Bishops, Priests, and 
Deacons with true knowledge and understand- 
ing of his holy word ; that he would cleanse 
our hearts by the inspiration of his Holy Spi- 
rit ; that he would grant us true repentance 
and his Holy Spirit; and much more to thi§ 
eflect; and I am persuaded, that such a confi- 
dence as I have expressed, cannot be censured 
ns enthusiasm, without directly including onr 
■church establishment and continual public 
worship in the same charge. 

Vn. Lastly, T would observe that our op- 
posers, and despisers will seldom give us the 
hearing. With all their pretensions to can- 
dour, reasoning and free inquiry, they accuse 
and condemn us without so much as knowing, 
with any tolerable degree of accuracy, what 
our sentiments are ; although they are fur- 
nished with such plentiful means of informa- 
tion, in those numerous publications, which 
are now extant upon these subjects. 

Having imbibed strong prejudices against 
us, they frame so contemptible an opinion of 
our understandings and our writings, that 
they will not bestow so much pains, or 
afford so much regard, as to peruse our 
books; — and to call an author a Metho- 
dist, is with many pepple a sufficient rea- 
son why they should not read his works. 
Hence it comes to pass, that for want of infor- 
mation OUT doctrines are grievously misrepre- 



136 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

rented ; and in general the attacks made upon 
us, though they make our persons odious and 
despised, do not in the least affect the argument 
in debate. What most of our adversaries know 
of our opinions, are only scattered fragments 
picked up by hearsay, wherein neither the 
connexion, consistency, tendency, nor appli- 
cation of these opinions are preserved; and 
therefore no wonder that we are vilified, and 
reproached with things to which we are utter 
strangers, or which we abominate, and protest 
■Against from sabbath to sabbath, and against 
which we neglect riot to fill our writings with 
reasonings, warnings, and cautions. 

For my own part I freely acknowledge, that 
my strongest objections against this scheme of 
<]octrine arose wholiy from misapjirehension, 
and mistake. Not having read their books, 
my notions of the doctrines of the Methodists 
vvere received from vulgar report, and from 
their enemies; whilst my own creative imagi- 
nation put the construction upon, and drew 
the consequences from them ; so that when I 
preached against them, I was as one fighting 
with my own shadow; and in speaking evil of 
those things, that 1 knew not, I only betrayed 
my own ignorance and pride. No better 
founded are the lamentable out-cries, which at 
this day are made against us, and our princi- 
ples, as if we were endeavouring to banish 
reason, argument, sobermindedness, and mo- 
rality out of the world; and in their stead to sub- 



FOREGOING NARRATIVE. 137 

aititute a parcel of whimsical vagaries, which 
are without foundation in reason, or Scripture, 
and have no influence, or rather a pernicious 
influence on our conduct and conversation. 
When such a declamation is ended, (for one 
would not interrupt it,) ask the declaimer 
what a Methodist is ? He can scarce give you 
answer; inquire about their doctrines, he doth 
not understand them; their writings, he never 
hath read them! 

Reader, if thou desirest to know what our 
opinions are, and what reason there is for 
these heavy charges; read our books; but read 
them with attention, and aim at impartiality ; 
compare them with the word of God, and with 
the liturgy, articles and homilies of the church 
of England; and if thou hast leisure and op- 
portunity, with the works of our first reform- 
ers. Nor do we desire thee to renounce thy 
reason, but only to make this reasonable con- 
cession; that where thy reason would deter- 
mine one way, but God hath expressly deter- 
mined another way, thou wouldst allow him 
to understand his own mysteries better than 
thou dost; and that therefore thou oughtest, 
by faith, exercised upon the veracity of God, 
to receive those matters implicitly, and with- 
out reasoning, wiiich God hath revealed, and 
which thy reason feels to be far above out of 
its reach, and therefore out of its providence. 
Whenever, on such inquiry, thou discoverest 
us to be mistaken, there dissent from us, yea, 
M2 



1138 OBSERVATIONS ON THE 

blame us, as far as meekness and candour will 
permit; but do not condemn us in the gross; 
do not assert our whole scheme of doctrine to 
be enthusiastical and groundless, though some 
of our writers should be found to have ad- 
vanced some questionable opinion. This were 
the way to drive all truth and certainty out of 
the world; for what book can be mentioned, 
the Bible excepted, wherein there is nothing 
advanced, either erroneous, or questionable? 

And be assured, it is no argument of a sin- 
cere desire to know the truth, to read only 
one side of the question, and then clamorously 
to adopt every childish cavil, every vague re- 
port, every scandalous falsehood; and indus- 
triously to propagate them, as if these afforded 
a sufficient confutation of all the arguments, 
authorities, and Scripture testimonies, where- 
with we support our sentiments. Observe; 
that though some professors have been proved 
enthusiasts, and others detected to be hypo- 
crites, this doth not prove that we are all en- 
thusiasts and hypocrites. Such rash judg- 
ments hurt not us, but those that pass them. 

For myself, I here publicly profess, that I 
will to the end of my days acknowledge it, as 
the greatest obligation that any person can 
confer upon me; if in the spirit of meekness, 
he will point out to me an}^ error or enthusi- 
astical delusion, into which I have fallen, and 
by sufficient arguments convince me of it. I 
rYw^t, that my earnest desire to discover the 



yOREGOTNG NARRATIVE. 139 

truth, as it is in Jesus, has not abated in its in- 
fluence, and that I retain the same disinterest- 
ed resolution to erabrace, and adhere to it^ with 
which I set out. Still am I solicitousl}^ fear- 
ful of being betrayed by my waririth of s ;"rit. 
and by the deceitfulness of my h< art, ' 
roneous opinions. But it is not cla^^iour aijCi 
reproach, or objections and aagumerits brought 
against sentiments I detest, or consequences I 
allow not, and do not see to be consequent 
from my doctrines; it is not such reasoning as 
sets one divine attribute at variance with ano- 
ther, and makes one part of the Bible contra- 
dict another, or exalts the human understand- 
ing upon the tribunal, and arraigns and con- 
demns revealed mysteries at her presumptuous 
bar ; I say, such a procedure will have no 
weight with me, or with any, who ever knew 
the grace of God in truth. 

And now, beloved reader, let me conclude^ 
with leaving it upon thy conscience to search 
for the truth of the gospel in the study of 
God's word, accompanied by prayer, as thou * 
wouldst search for hid treasure. I give thee 
this counsel, as expecting to meet thee at the 
day of judgment, that oar meeting may be 
with joy^ and not with grief; may the Lord 
incline thee to follow it, with that solemn sea- 
son full in view! Time, how short! eternity, 
how long! life, how precarious and vanishing! 
death, how certain ! the pursuits and employ- 
ments of this present life, how vain, unsatis- 



^40 OBiJERVATlONS 02^ THK 

fving, trifling, and vexatious! God's favour 
and eternal life, how unspeakably precious! 
his wrath, the never quenched-fire, and the 
never-dying worm, how dreadful! Oh triflef 
pot av/ay thy span of life, in heaping up riches, 
which shortly must be left for ever, and which 
profit not in the day of wrath; in such plea- 
sures ^nd amusenients, as will issue in eternal 
torn^ents; or in seeking that glory, which 
shall be swallowed up in everlasting infamy. 
Agree but with me but in this; that it i? good 
to redeem thy precious time, to labour for the 
meat that endureth unto everlasting life, and 
to attend principally to the one thing needful; 
take but thy measure of truth as well as duty 
from the word of God: be willing to be taught 
of God, meditate on his word day and night; 
let it be the light of thy feet, and the lantern 
of thy paths; and in studying it, lean not to 
thy own understanding, trust not implicitly to 
expositors and commentators, but ask wisdom 
and te^aching of God, And be not a Felij^', . 
saying, to thy serious apprehensions about thy 
soul ; '^ Go thy way at this time, when I have 
a convenient season I will call for thee ;'^ lest 
deatli and judgment come before that season; 
be not an Agrippa, an almost christian; bui; 
seek to be altogether such as the primitive 
christians were. I say agree but with me in 
these reasonable requests, and we shall at 
length agree in all things; in many in this 
ivorld ; in all, when we hear the son of God 



FOREGOING NARRATIVE. l4l 

'^address us in these rejoicing words, ^^Come, 
ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdonx 
prepared for you from the foundation of the 
world/^ May the Lord vouchsafe ui>to the 
writer, and to every reader of this book, that 
wisdom which is from above; that teaching of 
his Holy Spirit, which guides into the ways 
of peace ; that faith which justifies; that peace 
of God which passeth understanding; and that 
measure of sanctifying and strengthening 
grace, which shall enable us to hold on, and 
hold out unto the end, always abounding in 
the work of the Lord, as knowing that our la- 
bour shall not be in vaiu in the Lord. 



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